Amanda's not feeling her best today, or should I say she hasn't been feeling her best in a long time.
I can seriously feel how she feels now and the pain she has been going through all along. Don't ask me why I know how it feels, that's probably because I've gone through such intense pain before. In fact, the wounds are still fresh and although it has pretty much healed already, I can still taste the aftertaste of what it leaves behind.
It's amazing how your feelings take on a rollercoaster ride, from being hopeful to one minute and gradually turning into despair when you realize that the person is no longer coming back after you gave in your all. Then, as you slowly begin to accept reality and you prepare yourself for the worst, the worst scenario is being presented right in front of you - they moved on from you to someone else within such a short timeframe. You know that's coming but you still feel anger and angst within you, but that is the exact driving force that spurs you to move on. Because it made you see for yourself how unworthy this person is and how much they don't deserve your love. Suddenly, you feel that your emotions aren't interlinked with theirs and you are no longer affected by whatever they do anymore. You're not bothered by what's happening in their lives and you think about them lesser everyday until eventually, you can separate your mind from them and from what you are doing. Things can be presented right in front of you but you just can't seem to link your emotions and heart back to them anymore. It's just this sense of calmness and peacefulness that you feel within yourself, you already moved on.
Sometimes, when you're alone you just slip into the past without notice and the memories just keeps pouring back. You start to dwell on how things could possibly be, how it could have been changed and how happy those times were. It's not wrong to slip back into the past and let the memories take over your mind for a while if it helps to ease the emptiness you're feeling, but you should never let it consume you. You need to snap out of it and you shouldn't let it bring you down and affect you any further.
Why should we be here feeling a sense of emptiness when the person you're thinking about is leading a much better life than you right now? Have you ever thought you're not even in his/her thoughts at all and they have already moved on to someone else? If that's the case, then why bother feeling so horrible for one minute of your life when that person is feeling happy at that very moment? When they no longer care, why should we be bothered? If it doesn't change anything when you're feeling so horrible, then why bother?
Sometimes, when we're stuck in the situation, we are unable to see it clearly for ourselves but after moving on and looking at things from another position, we'll come to understand that things do fall into place and you will be able to see the situation in a different perspective and in a new light. That's when you understand that it's not a big deal after all and whatever you're feeling now, isn't as bad as how you think it will be.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a person can do. Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so.
That's exactly how I am feeling right now and I know you can feel this way too, bestie. We are feeling the same way back then and I want you to feel how I feel right now as well.
I'll always be here for you and you can count on me. Stay strong because you are and no one can knock you down, except for yourself. ♥
