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herhiddenthoughts
Mood: Excited. Quotes: “Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.”
prEtEndErs...jUz bE uRsELf!
Thursday, April 28, 2005, 9:30 PM
i'vE lEaRnt sOmEthiNg nEw in diS fEw dAys...sOmEthing cALLed PRETENDING~ y dO pPL aLwAys prEtEnd? bE it thE pEopLe aRnd mE oR evEn mYsLeF...y r wE aLwAys prEtEndiNg to b sOmEonE wE r nOt? wAd dO wE gEt from aLL diS prEtEndiNg? dO wE fEeL hApPy? wAd fOr? lEttiNg oUrsELvEs bELievE in sOmethiNg wEn wE r aCtuaLLy nOt cAn b sO...sAddEniNg~ wHy mUz wE prEtEnD to b hApPy wEn wE r aCtuAlly nOt? wHy mUz wE aCt aS iF nOthiNg hAs chAngEd wEn thE fAct iS tT it hAs alrEady chAngEd? hUmAn bEiNgs cAn b sO cOmpLicAtiNg at timEs...

i hAf alOt oF thOugHts aNd fEeliNgs diS fEw dAys...it mighT b dUe tO my dAiLy obsErvAtiOns aNd my ovEr iMaginAtivE thiNkiNg tT hAs crEatEd aLL thiS tOts aNd fEeLiNgs~ dO yOu nOe tT i am aCtually obsErviNg evErydAy? from thE wAy pPL tOk tO thE wAy pPL lOok...i hAf intEnsE fEeLiNgs abOut aLL oF diS...at thAt mOmEnt! its jUz tT...i fELt tT its hArd tO vOicE oUt wAd u rELi fEeL...n derEs nOt a nEed tO dO sO~ oSo...i rEalisEd its vEry hArd tO giVe aNd accEpt thE sAmE kiNd oF trEatmEnt u wAn tO gEt frM othErs~ sOmEtimEs, u tEnd tO giF in alOt tO thE onEs u lOvE aNd trEasUrE...bUt wAd u gEt iN thE eNd is nOthiNg bUt hUrt~ i hAtE giviNg iN yEt nOt gEt wAd i shOuld trULy dEsErvE...aLL i gEt is thOsE rEmArks tT wOuld stAb my hEart...i hAtE gEttiNg thOsE kiNd oF lOoks~ its nOt wAd i shOuld b gEttiNg...its nOt~ frOm thE pAst tiLL nOw...thiNgs hAf owAys bEen likE diS...giviNg in aNd nOt gEttiNg wAd i dEsErvE cAn b sO tiriNg...

tiMEs hAf chAngEd aNd sO hAs thiNgs...sOmE thiNgs r not wAd u expEct tO gEt~ bUt sOmEtimEs u jUz hAf tO siMpLy luFf it oFf n accEpt it~ thOugh i dO lUfF it oFf...dEep bEnEatH in mE...i rEfusEd tO accEpt thE chAngiNg rEality~ bUt thE gOod thiNg is tT...nOw...aFt sO mUch thiNgs hAs hAppEn...i hAf lEarnt tO forgEt~ wEnevEr i c oR fEeL unhAppy nOw...i wOuld jUz thrOw thE uPsEtiNg tOts tO thE bAck oF mY miNd~ thOugh wEn i rEfLeCt abOut it sOmEtimEs...i tEnd tO b uPsEt...bUt at lEast i wUn isOlatE mysELf aNymOrE~

tMl wOuld b thE biG dAy fOr mE...thE prOud mOmEnt in mY lifE~ evEn thOugH nOt aLL my frEns miGht b dErE tO shArE my jOy tML...i hOpE tT dEep bEnEatH dEm...tHy r aCtUally rOotiNg fOr mE~

oncE agAin...the timE hAs cOmE fOr mE tO eNtEr mY stUdyiNg wOrLd~ *gOnE*



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