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herhiddenthoughts
Mood: Excited. Quotes: “Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.”
iM s0 crAzy...
Tuesday, July 19, 2005, 10:25 PM
tOdAy is prObabLy thE wOrst dAy oF mY LifE...

i cAn nEvEr gEt ovEr it aLL bY mYsELf...i nEed sOmethiNg tO fAll bAck oN~ sOmEthiNg tO sUppOrt mE wEn i fEeL likE iM bEiNg pUlled dOwn~ wHerE cAn i gEt tT sUpPort frOm? wEn mY fAmiLy iS in sUch a stAtE...itS dEfiNetLy nOt wisE tO tEL dEm abOut it~ dEn it wOuld b mY frEns...bUt frAnkLy spEakiNg, i dOn wAn dEm tO b affEctEd bY mY mAttErs~ sOonEr or lAtEr...pErhaps i cAn tiNk it tHrUgh by mYsELf...

mAyb iM stUpid tO tiNk of dOing "stUpid tiNgs" wEn i cAnt sEem tO handLe my strEss & emOtiOns...i cAnt giF aNyonE aNy prOmisE tT i wUn dO it agAin~ i nOe hOw my brAin wOrks...oncE thE cOnnEctiOn is fAuLty aNd itS nOt in thE riGht pLacE...dEn it wOuld b gOod byE~ i dOn nOe wAd i wiL dO...tO mYsELf eSp...

uP tiLL nOw..i stiLL cAnt tiNk it tHrgh~ dErE's sMtHg blOckiNg my tOts...i cAnt chAnnEL oUt wAd i wAn tO sAy~ aNd thErE r tOns oF tiNgs stiLL weighiNg in mY miNd tT i cAnt sAy oUt...i cAnt sEem tO tAke thE bUrdEn awAy...cOz it cOmes bAck agAin & agAin! i dOn nOe wAd tO dO nOw...iN sCh & at hOmE...i fEel sO oUt oF pLacE! i dOn nOe wHerE i belOng...dEatH is nOt thE sOlutiOn? dEn wAd is it...

i hUimiLAtE mYsELf in sCh tOdAy by dOing tOo mUch stUpid tiNgs! i dOn fEeL likE attEndiNg sCh aNymOrE...im sUch a diSgrAcE tO evEryonE i nOe~ i nOe tT onE dAy...bcOz oF sUch a stAtE i aM iN...mY frEns wiLL lEavE mE!mY fAmiLy wiLL lEavE mE! whO wiLL wAn tO hAf a mad frEn bY thiEr sidE? a mAd dAughtEr? a mAd siStEr? NOONE! i fEeL tT iM a diSgrAcE...im sOrry tO aLL mY frEns! eSp thE tEn flOwErs...no wOrds cAn dEscRibE mY grAtitUdE tO aLL oF yOu...

aMandA & cLairE...tHx fOr bEiNg wiF mE fOr thE whOle dAy...

i cAn't tAke it aNymOrE...i dUnnO wAd i wiLL dO nExt nOw...mAyb gO intO hidiNg or sMtHg?

*hAiz*



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