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herhiddenthoughts
Mood: Excited. Quotes: “Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.”
thE rAin tT w0ke mE uP...
Saturday, July 23, 2005, 2:03 PM
wAd iS it? aNgEr? avOidAncE? diShEartEn? fEar? diS r the tOts tt rAn tHrgH mY miNd fOr sEvErAl dAys~ wAd mAdE yOu likE diS? i seArchEd aNd sEarchEd fOr aN aNs...bUt i cOuldn't fiNd it~ in rEtUrn...i cOuld oNLy vEnt thE qUestiOns tT i hAd aNd thE aNs i cOuldn't fiNd oN mYsELf~ sOmEhOw...thE pAin tt i iNfLictEd oN mYsELf divErtEd mY attEntiOn awAy frOm thE prObLEms tT i fAcE...it mAdE mE fEel bEttEr~ bUt dErE wAs nO sOlutiOn...aNd it oNLy hUrt mE mOrE...

lOokiNg bAck at wAd i hAf dOnE to mYsELf...i cOuldn't hELp bUt sAy im stUpid~ aT tt pOint in timE...i wAsn't rAtiOnAL...sO i cAn oNLy dEpEnd oN othErs tO giF mE aDvicEs aNd tO rELy oN tHiEr hELp tO sAvE mE~ bUt i nEvEr rEalisEd tT wAd i diD tO mYsELf hUrt evEryonE arOund mE...thE wOrds tT tHy sAy aNd thE tiNgs tT tHy diD tO hELp mE wAs sO uNcLeAr at tT pOint in timE...bUt nOw...evErytiNg sEems sO cLeAr~ aLL diS timE...i tOt i wAs sUffEriNg alOnE~ bUt i diNt rEalisEd tT i pUllEd evEryonE dOwn wiF mE! i wAs sELfiSh...fAr tOo sELfiSh~ i jUz sEemEd tO pUsh awAy thE cArE & cOncErn tT tHy gAf mE...aNd i tOld mYsELf tT i cAn hAndLe dEm aLL bY mYsELf! bUt in aCtuAl fAct...i cOuldn't~

nOw...wEn evErytiNg cOmEs tO a stAndstiLL aRubtLy...i wAs jErkEd awAkE~ hAf i wOkEn uP? yEs...i diD~ diD evErythiNg sEems cLearEr nOw? it diD...diD u rEgrEt dOing diS tO uRsELf? yEs ...i diD~ cOz i mAdE everyonE sUffEr...nOt jUz mE alOnE~ i cAusEd dEm tO bLamE dEmsElvEs fOr wAd hAppEnEd aNd i addEd bUrdEns to tHier oncE pEacEfUL livEs~ mAyb iF tHy diDn't mEt mE oR iF iM gOnE frOm tHiEr livEs...tHy wOuldn't hAf sO mUch prObLEms nOw~ sincE i aDdEd aLL diS unhAppinEss tO thiEr livEs...i shOuld b tAking dEm awAy~ cOz im rEsPonsibLe fOr it...

rEstiNg fOr diS fEw dAys mAdE mY tOts cLeArEr...it mAdE mY miNd cLeArEr~ aNd at lEast i cAn tiNk prOpErly aNd stArt tO tiNk oF wAd tO dO tO sAlvagE thE whOle sitUatiOn...hAf i grOwn uP? aM i mOre sEnsibLe? i dUnnO...lEt timE prOvE evErytiNg...

[[ i hOpE diS sUddEn rAin wAkEs mE uP...aNd i hOpE it wakEs yOu uP tOo... ]]



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