forever twenty-one ;

superstar. ((:

Wednesday, September 28, 2005, 10:58 PM

i juz got back from the superstars "jue dui cd shuo ying hui". kekes. it was held at bishan at 7 pm. i reached dere at about 5.30pm wif eileen and siqi. hahas. the event was damn fun ok! except for some spoilers of coz. i'll talk about those idiots later on. well, actually we couldn't enter the open plaza coz it was surrounded by security guards, and the only way to enter was to haf the superstars's album. the three of us din buy any coz it was simply too pricey. can u imagine it? $29.90 for an album! though it comes wif a free concert tickect tt cost $38, but since siqi and i alr bought the tickets earlier on, we don c any reasons y we should buy the album juz to get the tickets. furthur more, weijian wasn't dere lors! i go in oso no use. =/

but, we managed to get in aft all. lols. the security guards let us in. hahas. luckily we din join the long queue to get in. hahas. those who din buy the album r not allowed on stage, so we stood about 6 rows frm the front. quite in front u noe. lols. we waited for about 1 hr before thy arrived. while waiting, the staff dere played the songs from the superstar's album. AND I HEARD WEIJIAN'S TIAN KONG! v nice k. lols. i'm going to get the album tml. hehes. all of u muz buy oso lehs! tml the album will b launched storewide in singapore! get urs now!!! lols.

wen thy arrived, we were already shrieking like mad. lols. we snapped pictures of dem. lots of pictures of dem. hahas. i took pictures until my whole camera's battery went flat. i wasn't reli paying attention to wad thy were talking. i was obsessed wif how thy look! wei lian looks so honest, xin hui looks stunning, kelly looks pretty and jun yang was shuai! wen the crowd in front moved up to shakes hands wif the superstars, i was full of envy! but so wad?! we got to move in front too! bcoz of dis, we got a closer look at the superstars and thy got a closer look of us! siqi, eileen and me shouted junyang, xin hui and kelly's name. and guess wad?! THEY WAVED AT US! jun yang waves 3 times at me, kelly 2 times and xin hui 2 times. omg! so high! lols. the whole event lasted for about an hr.

here's some pics tt i took:

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[ kelly and xin hui on the big board! ]

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[ the guy's big board! wei lian and jun yang! ]

[ the events starts!]

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like wad i've said earlier, dere's bound to b some idiots at dis kind of events and i met two today. the first one was a guy who was around the age of thirty. this idiot attempted to MOLEST the three of us. mother fucking bastard. he couldn't keep his filthy hands to himself i guess. he attempted to touch our backs several times. but he din succeed coz we r SMART enuff. the second one was an ugly, hideous, monstrous-looking woman who is around the age of my principal, ms lo. thy might even probably b sisters, who noes? lols. dis idiot stood behind me wif her handbag clinged tightly to her. she's afraid tt soemone might rob her i guess. the worse ting? her farking handbag kept stabbing my poor back. it was painful + irritating. i turned behind her to gif her a look of unhappiness and she still din wan to take it away. instead, she jammed it into my back! fucking bitch. so i started to turn around to TSK and DIAO her. and u noe wad she said to me? she actually said : ''i haf to put my bag in dis way! if you don like it, den u can get out of here.'' and i retorted by saying dis : '' you r the one who's causing inconvenience to others. you should b the one who gets out of this place.'' and she shuts up. idiotic pest. since u didn't respected me in the first place, y should i respect you? PUIS.

let's leave the unhappy events aside. it's just 2 more days to the superstar concert! i can't wait. lols. ((:

here r some more pics tt r taken at tiong bahru plaza last saturday.

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[ jason waving to us. -.-'' ]

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[ jun yang's side view! ]

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[ let wei lian talk larhs! tt jason hor. ]

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[ it's jun yang again! hees. ]

dis will b an exciting superstar week! stay tune. lols.

- i love hoh weijian. -

a missing possession.

Monday, September 26, 2005, 11:29 PM

i left my blog to rot for who noes how many god damn weeks, and now im back. hahas. WHOO. so much things happened sia. reli reli reli SO MUCH. lols. rmb the dnt folio tt im always complaining about? i finally handed it up. but it's still not completed. so i'm tinking of doing some more later tonite. hahas. c whether on wed can beg ah leow to cast a glance at it. hehes. YES. my artefact is completed but my folio isn't. so it didn't makes much difference anyway. at least i got 'man zhu gan' k. at the very least, i managed to complete my artefact. ((:

oh yahs! im gonna flunk my prelims. im gonna fail for sure. i spent the entire prelims period rushing my folio, so do u tink i can still PASS WITH FLYING COLOURS? dream on. i din even touch the book lehs. dis is the first time in my life tt i din even bother to study for my exams. somemore dis time it's such a major one. PRELIMS. hais. worst of all? i missed my history paper. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I MISSED A PAPER! smthg is so wrong wif me lors. nv study nvm le, somemore miss paper! wad the hell?! i reli need to do some serious reflection.

also, i haf been taking cabs to sch for almost 3 weeks every morning. im alr so fucking broke and i can still spent money on cabbing. i tink i spent almost $100 on cabbing. $100 lehs! can buy so much tings sia. but since it's over, den juz let it b. though it still hurts to lose so much money like tt, i can only blame myself for not waking up early enuff.

and now for the highlight of the week. JUE DUI SUPERSTAR!!! yesh. i finally bought tics to the superstar concert wif siqi. keke. we bought the $100 one lehs. hahas. the seat is quite ok lors. juz tt if only siqi wasn't sick for the first week, we could haf gotten even better seats! but can't blame her larhs. at least still got seats left. keke. eileen! faster ask ur bro go buy tics! den we can HIGH together! kekes.

and u noe wad? siqi, eileen, keong and me went to c JUE DUI SUPERSTAR'S APPEARANCE SHOW LAST SAT!

it was being held at tiong bahru plaza and it was freaking high!!! i saw junyang, weilian, leon, sebastian, jason, xin hui, kelly, candyce, sliver and ruth. too bad, weijian wasn't dere. how i wish tt he was dere! hais. siqi and me was reli high wen we saw all the superstars esp xin hui, kelly, leon and junyang. i was alr so high wen i saw all of dem. if weijian was dere, i would haf probably gone mad. xin hui was so pretty lors! both of us was so captivated by xin hui's beauty tt we forgot to shout kelly's name. lols. junyang was v shuai nia! as for leon, he was pretty cool. siqi and i was screaming our heads off i tell u. i screamed and shouted so loud tt one guy scolded me. wad an idiot. i scolded him back. dis type of events are meant to SCREAM de ma. u don scream u come here for wad. wen i scolded dis in his face, he bo wei gong! i was so satisfied sia! lols. how i wish weijian was dere. I WISH I WISH I WISH. but he wasn't dere. hais. he is in the army now, looking like dis:

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don luff at him k. he looks freaking cute to me! i love hoh weijian! ((:

i can't wait for the concert on the 30th to come! lols.

i haf so much things to tell u bloggie. my life, my emotions, my feelings. everything. but dis entry is getting abit long, so i gotta stop soon. lols.

since you haf chosen dis path, den i will move on wif my life. never shall i look back again. never shall i hope tt tings can b the same. dis would b a new chapter, a new beginning. i thank you for once being part of my life. i will never forget u.

- god took away one of my most treasured possessions and gave me another. -

i'll b waiting for u.

Saturday, September 10, 2005, 7:14 PM

dis is juz a short entry for today. hmms. it has some solemn, hidden, quiet parts and some happy, exciting, colourful parts. well, let the good tings comes first shall we?

the only ting tt seems good and happy nowadays is none other den WEIJIAN! hmms. weijian has been admitted into ns ytd. )): yesh. the 9 SEP 2005. weijian has entered palau tekong camp. he's going to b botak le. need to wait for 2 yrs leh! 2 yrs before he can release his album. hais. but i wun b missing him for long, he's attending the superstar concert held on 30 sep 2005! keke. im going to the concert wif siqi. eileen and his bro might b going too. wahahas. can c weijian perform again! can hear him sing live for me lehs! can c him in real person! the feeling will b like so real. but me n siqi can't decide on whether to buy the $100 or the $40 tics. BUDGET lehs. lols. tts wad siqi keeps saying to me. but anyway, i hope i can go lors. if not, i gotta wait for 2 yrs lehs! anyway, weijian rawks. =D

oh ya, i will b changing my blogskin soon. i've got a few tt i reli like. hahas. some of dem is weijian de and some of dem r those tt suits how i feel now. dunno to choose which one. aiya, first tings first. muz wait aft prelims den decide. heex.

true love only exists in fairytales. true friends only exists in stories. y? y muz everything tt is true only exist in something tt can b seen wif our eyes, b heard wif our ears and yet can't b felt with our hearts? how i wish i was proven wrong. been proven wrong tt reality is cruel and been proven right tt something true still lies within the hearts of others. but time and time again, i was being showed wad the world i live in is all about. i was baffled by wad i c, and it took me some time to realise the truth about it all : nth seems to be true anymore.

now, all i can do is to hope tt i can meet someone to show me tt care still exists, tt love is all arnd and tt life is still worth living.

i'll b waiting.

- true? trust? life? -

finally enlightened. ((:

Friday, September 09, 2005, 10:43 PM

a bunch of fakers. trust? don tell me tt pls. i lost the trust i once had in everyone. i can't believe tt u did tt. i feel so hurt, do u noe tt? i was shocked, amazed, overwhelmed, hurt. i felt everything tt a person should feels wen he/she is betrayed. but its a miracle! i don feel like crying at all. not even a single tear rolled down my cheeks. i guess tts wad happens wen ur love turns to hate. u feel nth except for anger. i feel hurt but i don feel like crying. in fact, im glad. im being proven right. im being proven right tt noone can b trusted. my heart sank wen i learnt abt the truth. it sank so deep tt it can never resurfaced again. i don wan it to resurface anyway.

u tink im mean? or mayb even bad? or u tink tt i haf changed? well, all i can say is tt its saddening tt u haf such a tot. but too bad, i can't b bothered by it. i tink i haf achieved a higher level of thinking again. hahas. and im sure tt i wun sink back in alr. i wun b tt stupid. i've finally seen how cruel dis world is. how realistic dis world is. im glad i saw thrgh it. now i can finally make some adjustment to myself. so tt i can face dis enviroment tt i live in. HOHOHO! never will i b the same again. and to tell u smthg, u made me changed. not others. thanks for helping me wif tt. u let me c how cruel dis world is and moulded me into a brand new person. though i can't believe it will b thrgh u tt made me realise dis fact, im still glad. ((:

WHOO! im ready to face dis world again. cruel, selfish, realistic. im all proven right. within such a short period of time, i saw thrgh so much tings. ah ah ah. im so glad. wad an enlightening week i had. hmms. a new sch term wif a brand new personality sounds interesting hor? hehehehehe.

hmms. everyone. every single one.

since u don trust me, den y should i trust u? makes sense rite?

im evil. so stay away.

- thx for hurting me again. -

i wun gif up on a fren juz like tt.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005, 2:27 AM

surprised to c me here? look at the time. it's morning alr. hais. i've been trying v hard to contain my emotions for dis few days and i was abt to succeed until a few hrs ago. wen i broke down in front of the comp, sobbing like crazy. wad's wrong wif me? i dunno. sick in the mind? stress? mad? yes to all. i can't even recognise myself. but im sure of one ting. IM GOING TO B FINE.

juz had a sudden feel to come here to tell u wad i wanna say, bloggie. i noe i can do it. i must do it. but wad if i can't? suddenly, everything juz pops into my mind. so clear. the picture juz seems so clear. mayb, jus mayb, dis time it's not me who has given up. i oways say I WANNA GIF UP. but i can never do it. i wonder y. hahas. i noe y. of coz i do. it doesn't matter whether all of u noe anot. as long as i noe, tt means i wun gif up, right?

i might b strong in IQ, but im weak in EQ. dis is my weakness. im emotionally weak. so weak tt all of u will b surprised. if u ever noe wad i hide deep within me, den u will noe how weak i am emotionally. someone asked me : why do girls always cry? well, to me, i tink girls cry for diff reasons. some cry to express thier feelings, some cry to release stress, some cry juz to attract other's attention. which type am i? hahas. if u don noe me well, u will tink tt i belong to the last type. if u understand me, den u will noe tt im the second type. so which one r u? how well do u reli understand me?

i don care wad u all tink abt me. i don care abt how u all look at me. luff or even mock at me. as long as i noe wad im doing, im not guilty at all, den i haf nth to be afraid of. trust is more important den anyting else. mayb, i haven been able to develop the trust within myself. im going to get rid of the roots of all my problems and strive to become a better person. im not going to gif in to fate. im not going to. call me stubborn or wadever, i don care. dis is me. wen i come acoss smthg i treasure, i will try my best to cherish it. if u were to gif up smthg tt u shouldn't b giving up, wouldn't u end up in regret? i don wan to regret. i don. and i hope u ppl out dere wun let REGRET b a part of ur life.

sometimes, we all gotta beware abt wad we say. u'll never noe wad it might lead to. so mayb, we all juz gotta learn to b a little smarter. i reli love my blog. coz i can pour out wadever i wan in here, w/o any restrictions and it's truly wad i feel deep within me.

i realised tt it's not a heart of stone. it's a heart of gold.

- never say die -

u haf a heart of stone?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005, 9:17 PM

alot of ppl say my entries r getting more n more depressed, more n more sad. well, den let me add in some colours into my blog. let me add in some happiness.

im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy. im so happy.

im so happy tt im better off dead.

it's been such a long time since i've last updated. im juz not in the mood to and life's too busy. i gotta hand up my dnt artefact and folio by dis week and next wk will b my prelims. lols. i haven even started studying. cool huh? so wad if it's the september holidays? i gotta go to sch everyday (yes, i mean going to sch EVERYDAY mind you.) from morning till evening to complete my artefact. the greatest ting is tt it's not completed and my folio is not done. ((: ALOT OF IT. im far behind from the others. yes, V FAR BEHIND. wad's the use of complaining in my blog? GET STARTED LARHS! -.-

well, i've been watching the 'hai tun wan lian ren' vcd asp lend me. i love it. i don mind watching it for hundred of times coz it's simply so great! ahhhhs. weijian is entering the army soon. on the 9 SEP 2005. im going to miss him like mad. and u noe wad? hongwee will b going into army wif weijian on the same day! OMG! i alr book him to help me take weijian's signature if he sees him. i hope thy get into the same camp! ( i tink it's impossible coz thy r too many camps.) mayb i should gif hongwee my picture? so tt he can gif weijian if he sees him. lols. IM MAD OVER WEIJIAN LARHS. he's going to b botak soon. )): but i wun mind coz weijian says tt he doesn't mind being a botak too coz he was BOTAK before. keke. siqi lend me kelly's cd single. i tink kelly sang better in the cd den she did 'live' on tv. hahas. she sang until GOT FEEL GOT FEEL.

im better at controlling my emotions nowadays. but tt feeling wun go away. it's juz hanging arnd me all day long. i wonder how long will it takes before tt feeling affect me completely. but, its ok. i'll just take it as another emotional test for me. i muz b positive. i mustn't let it affect me. i will b fine. i tink im like "zi wo chui mian". trying to soothe my own emotions and don let it erupt. coz i noe if i let it erupt, the consequenses will b disastrous.

- heart of stone -