forever twenty-one ;

goodbye, my liar. =))

Saturday, February 25, 2006, 4:52 PM

i feel so gray now. sighs. something horrible happened last night. something that happened to me on the 17th dec 2004, happened to me once more. i experienced that feeling all over again. it was the second time. i felt my heart, shattering into tiny pieces for the second time. the pain was so hard to bear. i had to go through it all by myself. nobody helped me out of all this, this time. i crawled out of it all by myself. i did not ask for any help from my friends. not even my closest friends. not even those whom i usually share my woes with. i was on my very own this time and i succeeded my ownself. i finally know who is my best friend, and that is myself. the other positive me in my soul is actually my best friend and the other negative me is actually my enemy. the positive part of me lead me out of all this and the negative part of me tried to pull me down. but here i am, standing tall and strong, blogging out what i feel. i am finally ok. i haven grown. finally grown up. =))

you told me sorry. what for? you don't have to. it's your choice and your decision and i respect it in the end. at the start, when i told you what i feel, you are clearly avoiding. but i'm glad you told me what you feel for the first time, ever so seriously, before you went away. at first, when others know what you told me, they feel that it's full of crap and nonsense and that you are jus plain bad. i felt so too. i felt that you are spouting nonsense and that you are jus plainly avoiding. that was what i thought at first. after reading thrgh all my past conversations with you, i realised smthg that others will never know. i didn't paid attention to the small details that happened during all those conversations. when i looked thrgh it once more, i finally found out what thy mean and what they truly reflects. i tot you have changed all this while, but looking back, you didn't changed at all. i just simply think too much. in fact, it was me who have changed. i dunno wad happened to you in the past that makes it hard for you to accept anyone entering ur life and what is preventing you from entering other's life, but for the sake of yourself, you should get rid of that feeling within you asap.

at first, when i read thrgh all the past conversations, i just kept crying. my tears just kept falling. then, when i reached a certain point, i jus kept smiling. i'm not crazy, it's just that i understand what all this means, that's y i smiled, instead of crying. you try to make it seems casual after that, but i seriously dunno how much this will weigh on you. you say that things will still be the same. will it still be? we'll see about that. one thing for sure, you are not a bad person. you aren't. i know it. ((:

a liar calling a liar a liar and that liar don't get what the liar means.

that's what you said. =))

- you are part of my memory. -