forever twenty-one ;

i don't want the same outcome to happen to me again.

Friday, April 28, 2006, 1:47 AM

I FEEL UPSET. =[

don ask me why cos i wish to know why too.

i can feel it coming, do you know that? the feeling whereby your heart just starts to sink when you come to know about something. somthing that you don't wish to hear and know. but you just know what it means and somehow it affected your mood. if not, it might just be that you are thinking too much. but so what? can you ever understand why? i don know why i love thinking so much. it has always been like this, isn't it? from the past until now, it has never changed. that's the fact.

it can also be your past memories that comes flooding back all of a sudden, those saddening ones and you are afriad that wad happenened in the past, might happen to you again. your fear. your thoughts. your memories. all this are the things that keeps on huanting you. maybe because of this, you are afraid to take another step forward again. somehow, you feel that you can actually foresee the outcome. that's why you tend to hold back. but so? you just wan to go take that risk, isn't it? you don't mind getting hurt all over again if it means you can find what you truly want to find.

this is exactly what i'm feeling now. i just wan't to blog out what i feel at this moment. this very moment. after this, all of you can treat this as a piece of junk. hahas. but somehow, i really cherish such moments when you can blog out ur feelings so truthfully.

i realised that listening songs with your headphones are so much better then listening to them just over ur speakers. somehow, the songs just comes alive and it can touch ur inner soul. when your're sad, it somehow makes you feel like crying too. isn't that cool? ((:

oh ya. i changed my blogskin. it suits me perfectly.

MY PASSION FOR MUSIC WILL NEVER DIE.

and the song is kuai le sheng dan by yu heng. so christmas right? hahas. =]

- no words can describe how i feel now. -

it's so boring now. =[

Friday, April 21, 2006, 2:03 PM

i'm in class now.

it's kinda boring today leh. nothing much to do. =[

i think i'm falling alseep soon.

ohhh. time for presentation liaos.

till next time. ciao!

- i hope the weekends never comes. -

my new class. =]

Thursday, April 20, 2006, 10:29 PM

10 days since i've last blogged.

my mind is in a blank actually. i've got lots to say, yet i don't know what are they. i just came here cos i felt like blogging. as simple as that. =]

well, school has started~ i'm darn happy about this because life is so much fun when i go to school. i'm not saying that life at home is boring la ...

OK FINE! IT IS BORING. -.-

where was i? oh ya! i was talking about how fun school is. i met many new people and become good friends with some of them. one of them is cynthia who likes to be called cynner. -.- she's a nice girl and is damn friendly. we are similar and yet different in a lot of ways. but i can really click well with her. LOL. my class, W14D is freaking lively. it's just four days since we know one another and the class can get so high~ hahas. probably cos we have cynthia around. she actually managed to collect the entire class de msn contacts and handphone number lor. if a chairman is needed in the class, i'll vote her for sure. hahas. the activities in class are quite fun actually except for the one today. you know why? cos it's about MATHS~ i think i am a practically useless figure in the team today sia. didn't really contribute much. sorry guys! i'm a maths idiot. -.-
well, the sad thing is that our class will be seperated after 4 mths. we will be joining another class after the first semester. arghhh~ republic poly is always like this, changing our enviroment ever so frequently. it's good in some ways but also bad in some ways. i mean we can get to know more new people and make more new friends but we will be separated from our old friends. but that's life larhs. life is ever changing so i guess we must get used to it. so i guess we should just treasure the time we have now and make the best out of it~ =D

there's some damn funny people in our class. one of them is someone whom i call AH NEH. his real name is dravyn, but i just like calling him AH NEH. lols. he is always having this towel with him and he likes to smell it everytime! ( btw, i just hide his towel today. hahahaha. ) i like to suan him sia. think he's those kind who can WAN DE QI DE. lols. actually, i think arifin is kind of funny also. he seems to be always staring at people. i think he's eyes is damn big sia. i haven't really got a chance to talk to him though. lols.

one more person that i must not forget to mention.

ADRIAN WONG. i don't do stupid things and don keep mentioning the word RUBBISH. it reminds me of roy calling me DUMB. T.T

hahahaha. =]

i starting to like this class more and more.

ONE MORE THING, IM SINGLE ALREADY.

don tell me not to be sad, cos i'm not sad. those who are close to me, should know why.

=]

and to the person whom i've hurt:

I'M SORRY. take good care of yourself ya? all the best to you. ((:

- i'm searching a person whom i can love with my entire heart. -

that bitch.

Monday, April 10, 2006, 1:16 AM

it's been pretty long since i've last post up a pissed off entry eh? i guess i'm too happy with my life now to get angry. lols.

it's ok! here's an entry with lots of hot spices in it about the person i detest to the core. ((:

well, i saw something that i didn't want to see earlier and it made my blood boil. ( you know what i saw, my dearest girls. ) that feeling came back again. the feeling of deep venegance. deep hatred. that ANIMAL was at it again. she snatched yet another thing away that i always treat as my own. this isn't the first time. since last yr till now, she has always been at it. time and time again. how can i NOT hate you for what you did? posting sweet nothings without a care for the feelings of others. your friend posted it up for you to annouce it to the world. you know i'm there. watching and listening. i can see it. but you choose to stab me in the heart. you may look innocent, but you have always choose to hide deep thoughts in your mind. maybe among everyone, you are the scariest of them all. smiling like an angel, but thinking like a devil. am i right to say that? i know i am.

you know what will people always tend to say?

"c'mon! it's been over since a long time ago! don't bear grudges with her."

"you're just plain jealous with her cos she has what you couldn't have."

"it's all fate and destiny la! maybe she doesn't want such things to happens too."

but i just wan to tell these people with such thinking to SHUT THE FUCK UP. you aren't me. you don't know how it feels. so stop standing by and pin pointing at me, saying all this fucking crap. i don even wan you all to imagine yourself being in my shoes. all of you will never know how it feels cos it's not happening to you in reality! you are just imagining it! how can you feel what i really feel then? such things must really happen to you, before you can know how it really feels. oh ya! don talk to me about this issue being over since a long time ago. the longer it is, the more i can't forget. the more i can't forget, the more i hate her. also, i admit that i'm jealous of her. the more jealous i am, the more hate i have for her. i like that feeling. =] don blame it on fate and destiny too. this two things are too beautiful and pure to be related to animals like her. and you know what? she has a choice. but she still choose to hurt others. so do you think animals like her should be spared in my entry? ((:

one last thing for you, ANIMAL:

I HATE YOU. ((:

scorpios either love someone to the maximum or hate them to the core.

oh well, bitches and bastard goes well together, don't they? *smirks*

i hope that ANIMAL reads this entry. i really do. ((:

- to hell with you. -

my simple life. =]

Monday, April 03, 2006, 7:37 PM

if there are still humans around here, then HELLO.

it's been like years since i've last updated. but, as usual, i will never abandon the place i love most. =] so i'm back, for now, to update my smelly, old, rotting, decomposing but lovable blog. hahas. i wonder when will i be MIA again? lols.

anyway, what is going on with my life now? hmms. i really don't know how to begin. so much things have happened in this short few weeks that i can't write everything down at one go. it feels like my mouth is being stuffed with food, so much food that i can't open my mouth and speak immediately. if i do that, all the food that i have in my mouth now, will come tumbling out. worst of all, those that i had eaten previously, might be vomit-ed out also. i know it's a disgusting description. but i had to, so that you all can get what i mean. lols.

let's talk about my FAMILY first.

my family life so far has been great. =] i'm happy with how things are now. i don't shout at my parents like how i used to. i'm a little obedient now though i am still quite rebellious. -.- i listen to what my parents say and try my best to heed their advices. i still bicker with them every now and then, but at least things are much better nowadays. esp my attitude towards my entire family. also, all of us seems to be able to relate to each other and bond together better. we go out as a family more often nowadays. isn't that great? =]

next up, my FRIENDS.

ever since we graduate from secondary school, we have drift apart. what can i say? that's life, isn't it? when people come together, they develop friendship, and eventually, they part. "tian xia mei you bu shan de yan xi", heard of that before? this very same logic applies to us too. it's really nice for me to see my buddies from secondary school every now and then. we might not be together that often, but the memories we shared is there and will always be there. =] i really love seeing them. be a small fun gathering, dropping by thier workplace or just a simple dinner, it makes me feel really happy just to see them. i miss you girls. all of you. =]

then, we have LOVE.

i find myself stupid suddenly. remember how i used to complain about how unfair god is? how unfair i felt when other people are being showered and blessed with love when i am always single? i always had this thought that it will never be my turn and i would probably die without experiencing how it feels. now, i realised that it's a matter of time whether will it be your turn. you must have the patience to wait and fate will gradually lead you there. i am now a happy girl. i don't know how long i can last with him, but i just wan to treasure now. i never knew how it feels when two person gets together. i have never experience the feeling i am having now. now, i know how it feels already. i finally know. =]

finally, STUDIES.

yesh! poly will finally be opening soon! it will be totally different from seconday school education i guess. that's what others have been telling me all along. hmms. i can't wait for it to start. but at the same time i'm worried. very worried. it will be a totally new enviroment and my bunch of good friends wun be there with me. i must get adapted to it right? sooner or later, i have too. i think i am really lucky to be offered three courses even though i failed my maths. moving images, sonic arts and integrated events management. but the fucking problem is that bcos i have registered under sonic arts, i can't register for integrated events management. why not?! i mean they inform me only AFTER the enrolement. i had to choose a course right? if not, i will end up having no courses leh. hais. i just hope i can get in! anyway, i'm retaking my o level maths. firstly, so that i can have a certificate with all passes. secondly, i had to retake cos if i don, i can't graduate from the course in my third year. hahas. neverthless, i will work hard! both poly and maths! lols.

has everything fall in place? i'm not sure. but even if it doesn't, i will make it happen!

i miss all of you. MY DEAREST GIRLS! =]

- may everyone's life be better! -