forever twenty-one ;

Kao Jing Yi Dian Dian

Monday, May 29, 2006, 12:35 PM

Song Title: Kao Jing Yi Dian Dian
Artist: Nan Quan Ma Ma (Lara)
Song Album: E Zuo Ju Zi Wen OST

Mo Mo Zai Ni De Sheng Hou Shou Hou De Wo
Duo Xiang Kan Ni Bu Jing Yi De Xiao Rong
Huo Xu Wo De Xin Ni Bu Dong
Wo Nu Li Rang Ni Gan Dong

Zai Ni Yan Zhong You Duo Me Ben Zuo De Wo
Jue Bu Fang Qi Zhui Zu Ni De Zhi Zhuo
Zhi Yao Ni Neng Zai Duo Xie Hui Ying Wo
Yi Ge Xiao Huo Dian Tou Quan Jie Shou

Neng Bu Neng Zai Kao Jing Yi Dian Dian
(Bu Zai Na Me Yao Yuan)
Da Sheng Shuo Chu Ni Suo You Gan Jue
(Rang Wo Ting Jian)
Bie Zai Jin Jin Guan Zai Zhi You Zi Ji De Shi Jie
Wen Nuan Tai Yang Wei Ni Ying Jie

Neng Bu Neng Zai Kao Jing Yi Dian Dian
(Hui Lai Wo De Shen Bian)
Neng Bu Neng Zai Yong Gan Yi Dian Dian
(Rang Wo Kan Jian)
Jiu Shuan Rang Wo Zhi Dao Wo Yong Yuan Zi Shi Dan Lian
Wo Ye Hui Chang Zhe Gan Xie
Xiao Zhe He Ni Shuo Zai Jian

- breathless sighs on a mid summer night. -

are we drifting apart?

Sunday, May 28, 2006, 1:04 AM

whenever someone comes a step closer to you,

i think you're a step futhur away from me.

=((

i wished you cared a little more ...

Thursday, May 25, 2006, 10:41 PM

TELL ME ... WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AGAIN?

i am crying at this very moment when i'm blogging. i have so much to say it out in here ... but i just can't seem to type it out. what's causing all this rise and fall everyday? what's causing it? i feel like i'm in heaven in the first minute, and hell in the next minute ...

IS THIS YET ANOTHER MOOD SWING?

i have so many unanswered questions and i hope that someone can answer all of them for me. but who can possibly answer them? i'm like searching for answers everyday and i don't dare to ask anyone about it. why? probably because of fear ... fear of people saying i'm sensitive, fear of people saying i'm emotional, fear of people saying i'm thinking too much ... maybe keeping everything to myself will be the best thing to do?

i miss my girl friends ... CLAIRE, EILEEN AND AMANDA. i miss those times when i can ramble whatever shit to all of you, i really do .. cos all of you are always there ... hearing me out and standing by ever so strongly. showing me care and concern when i needed them most ... but now? it's like so empty and alone. it's like nobody is there anymore? or am i just so dependent and i need to be more independent now?

why am i expecting so much? what am i waiting for? why am i so bothered by it?

questions questions questions ... ALL OF THEM UNANSWERED.

i'm strong? like shit only. but i will never let people see the weak side of me ... so just let me weep my heart out and ...

I WILL BE SO STRONG ... THAT IT SHOCKS ALL OF YOU ...

i wished you cared a little more ... I WISH WITH ALL MY HEART.

- beneath that hard exterior, lies a weeping heart. -

it's getting more each day.

Sunday, May 14, 2006, 2:58 PM

well, first things first.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! =D ( i love you, mummy. ((: )

i know i'm kinda rude and loud to you at times. i know i'm always talking back to you. making you angry and doing things to provoke you on purpose. showing my temper to you wheN i'm not in a good mood. i know i have done many wrong things ...

SO I'M VERY SORRY AND I STILL LOVE YOU A LOT. =D

on friday, which was a public holiday, i wanted to stay at home to rot myself away, but decided not to in the end. it's so pathetic staying at home on a public holiday lor! so i called up eileen and both of us went to town. i need to get delia's bday present also mah ... so might as well go out. we shopped around and when we were at heeren, we saw a guy who looks a lot like SHUI SHANG PIAO~ ( xu huan liang ) we tot it was him and waited for him to turn around, but who noes sia! it wasn't him. the way he turned was kinda dramatic sia. it made us laughed all the way out of heeren. hahahaha =x we went to heeren to peep at ah aw's *toot* ( dunno whether can say out anot. if later cannot and i say it out, she might kill me with a chopper. more details after i get her consent to give comments about *toot* in my blog. =x ) hahas. after that, we went to lucky plaza to find claire and she said she wans to meet us during her breaktime. we agreed of cos ... do we have a choice? hahahaha =x eileen and me was practically floating around orchard until we met adrian and his frens at cineleisure. i also dunno why we met up. hahahaha. den we went and had dinner at long john ... and you noe wads the most suprising thing? wai liang, peijin and claire all came along also. so wierd sia ... suddenly pop out so many people. -.-

after that, claire and peijin left and we walked around orchard lor. wai liang left after that also and we went back to cineleisure's arcade. and you noe wad? we played a damn fun game sia! dunno wad is it called larh. but eileen and me won adrian and deyu! hahahaha ... girl power! =x den eileen and me went to watch the movie, VOICE. it's a horror movie and is a continuation story after wishing stairs and let me tell you ... THE SHOW IS NOT SCARY AT ALL. i don get the story and there wasn't much scary scenes lor. waste my $9.50 ... =\ i was more drawn to the RA show that was going on beside eileen and my seat. cos both of us took the couple seat and everyone around us were couples. OMG. the couple beside me was damn hiong lor.. esp the guy. but anyway, i think doing such things in cinemas is damn yucky ... eww. after the show, chong and me went home ... =)

oh ya .. den i went malaysia with my mum and sister ytd. it was the usual things lor .. SHOPPING! what did you expect? hahahaha ... we went to a shopping centre that was located in the heart of JB and i bought two pair of new shoes leh! each at a freaking $7 only ... AHHHHHHH~ so cheap leh ... hahahaha. =D oh ya .. and i bought delia's present too. hahas. we had lunch at a hong kong restarunt and i love the food there. it's very different from what we have in singapore. i drank something called SUPERSTAR. it taste very nice .. fruity fruity taste. hahas. but most importantly was the name ... SUPERSTAR. hahaha ... =] den we also had our tea break at a shop called old kopitiam ... it's the same as the one with we have in singapore. YA KUN. as for dinner, we just ate a little at some macau restarunt cos we were too full to eat anything le. lols den it was back to mwah homey!

from me to you:

you can make me smile from the bottom of my heart.

you can make my mood rise and fall.

you are important to me.

what is getting more each day? my liking for you ... ((:

L L L L L L L L L L =x

- i will change ... beacause of you. -

my tears flow bcos u lied.

Sunday, May 07, 2006, 10:46 PM

well, not much pics for dis entry cos i'm too lazy to upload. maybe in the next entry, den i'll upload one chunk of pics to let everyone see. hahahahas. fiona ... im sorry~ you can't see my pretty face in dis entry eh? =x

last friday was a special day. it's FIONA'S BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FIONA. YOU'RE 18~ ( older den me eh? im still 17 ... hahahas. =x )

school was normal for me that day. i stayed back in class to play CS with the guys aft i complete my rj. i managed to kill 2 person during the game ok! i killed ah neh and kang wei. hahas. so happy sia ... =D i'm seriously not a noob. lols. but then ... a freaking idiot called TINKY WINKY kept killing me lor. so not fun. who was it? adrian wong ... you better watch out ok? lols. lalala~ after that, i went to cwp with kenny and adrian. speaking of kenny, he is so nice lor! he helped with my maths and he taught me how to play CS. so nice of him right? hahas. we went to mac and i waited for amanda dere. after she came, adrian and kenny left. a little baby boy sat at adrian's place aft he left. he was sooo cute i tell you! so cute until i had to take his pic lor. lols. ahhh~ he's so cute! then the both of us went shopping while waiting for the rest of the girls to come. we saw a butterfly necklace and decided to get it for the bday girl. when eileen rch cwp, the three of us went and got that for her. hahas. hope she likes it ya? ((:

and you know what? i actually saw that baby boy again after i left macdonal! i showed him the picture i took of him and he kept smiling lor..

[ so cute right? ahhhhhhh! ]

anyway, coreen, fiona and lynnda came really late. i think i wait for almost 3 hrs sia. aiya .. but since it's fiona's bday, how i can i be angry? mus smile.. lols. we den went to jack's place to haf our dinner. fiona thought she would be spending her bday alone and she got trick 3 times. the first time was when lynnda and coreen went and fetch her at her workplace. the 2nd time was when she saw amanda, eileen and me. the third time must be the sweetest moment for her. cos she saw alvin! hahas. her bf ... =] she was so touched that she cried. after a very fufilling dinner, we proceeded to cut the cake! hahas. fiona brought home the cake cos all of us was to full to eat it. lols. den alvin and fiona went off while the rest of us had a girl's talk until midnight.. =D

on saturday, i had dinner with my family at cwp. the food at the chinese restaraunt was kinda good. lols. i like i like. hahas. we went shopping for baby stuffs after that. the little baby boy in my da sao's tummy will be due in a few mths time! i can't wait for this new member of my family to come! lalala~ i'm going to be a xiao gu soon ... =D

last night was a teary night. it's been so long since i've last cried like this. i know it's stupid of me to be crying over such small matters, but i couldn't help myself. i can feel the pain again. it felt exactly the same or maybe even worse. i just don't wish to experience what i felt in the past again and again. is that too much to ask for? i know i'm bad. i asked god, why was it me again? it's not fair at all. why are you so unfair? why me? don't tell me that it's destiny or wad. just don let it happen to me again dis time. my frens who knows about this, might find it so ridiculous. why is it happening to me so many times? why always me? amanda even said: don't you think it's always happening to you? i think so too. it's always me. but all i know, is that even if it comes true one day, i will surely climb out of it. i will never allow myself to stay in there forever. i must be strong ... so smile. =))

all i hope now is that things will turn out well ...

- i just want you to be happy. -

just another update.

Thursday, May 04, 2006, 9:22 PM

everybody is asking me to update my blog. WHY SIA? in the past, when i didn't update for about a few weeks, den ppl will start asking me to update. but now? few days only and people can't wait to know more about my life. i am so freaking popular can? hahahahahas. =X

i was thinking of typing "hello. i'm here to update. bye bye." you know, stuffs like this? but decided not to in the end. cos i have dis very strong hunch that people like fiona, will say i cheat her feelings again. LOL. see? i'm so nice to all of you sia. lalala~ but i wonder why some people still say i'm mean and evil ... you know who you are, that GAY who always say i'm not nice and i'm bias~ i'm not leh. i'm so nice to everyone around me. lols. =D

i went out with two of my friends yesterday. EILEEN AND CLAIRE. hahahas. it's been sometime since i've last saw them and so i was kinda happy to see them. most importantly, we are going singing! that makes me even more happier! who's suggestion was it? mine of cos. =D i met up with eileen first cos claire had SOMETHING ON. ( si zar bor, when can i announce it to everyone har? lols. ) eileen had to wait for me cos i was late and she was very hungry so we went and had our dinner. i ate tian ji zhou and i tell you hor, i can seriously puke. not bcos the food taste lousy but it's bcos the portion was meant for two people. eileen don dare to eat tian ji mah. so she ate chicken porridge lor. lols. we went to ten dollar ktv that was located at chinatown and everything was really 10 dollars only. there's free flow of drinks + snacks + shark fin soup. quite good eh? but the ktv system wasn't that good as kbox's. =[ we didn't make any bookings and yet we got a room. we can sing for 5 hrs which was until 1 am, but we left at around 11 plus cos all of us have sch the next day. and ya ... WE HAD LOTS OF FUN. =D

here are some pics that i took with the girls at the ktv:

[ chong tai tai and muah. =D ]

[ attached vs single. LOL. ]

[ ah aw & me. =D ]

today i had a MOCK UNDERSTANDING TEST in school and it's so fucked up lor. i was late even though i left the house early cos the bus came late. and you know what? when the bus came, it was so full that i was like standing at the door lor. aiya. no choice larh cos i was going to be late so i had to squeeze up the bus. lols. my kaisu skills helped me abit today. lalala~ =X then when i arrived in school, i can't log on to the damn UT server. so suay right? i had to the UT test offline and when i try submitting it, guess what happens? you're right. it can't be submitted. so shitty. i don't even understand today's lesson you know. it's that freaking theory on science. hais. or is it that my mind keeps wandering off to other things? i dunno ... ANYWAY, i'm having maths tml and i am SO EXCITED about it. care to kill me now anyone? =D

i want to tell you but yet i can't. sometimes i just wish that you know. i can't pen it down in words ...

- wishing, praying, hoping. -