forever twenty-one ;

goodbye ... my L.

Saturday, June 24, 2006, 11:44 PM

hello people~

i am feeling VERY fine. so don worry ya? life is as per normal and i'm enjoying every minute of it! hahaha. after that incident, i think i have grown up already. somehow, i think i treasure my family and friends more. my relationship with all of them are improving and i feel really happy to have all of them by my side. somehow, i realised love is not the only thing that makes this world perfect! many many other things contribute to the colours of my life too ... such as my family and my friends! eh you know who you are ... i don have to name you all out one by one eh? =D

i had a class gathering yesterday with my sec sch friends and you know what? it was freaking fun! hahaha. i enjoyed myself a lot. it's been some time since i've felt really happy, so i really enjoyed every minute of it. i met up with amanda and we went to orchard to find claire. that freak told us that she would knock off at 5.30, but who had to wait for her until 7 pm lor. in the end, amanda and me walked around ngee ann city to kill time. we bought ice cream and it was really yummy! ahahaha. then, we sat down and talked crap, sing song and record mtvs! ahahaha~ it was so fun ...

after that, we met claire and we took a cab to east coast. before that, my fav heels actually broke! i am sho upset okays? ahhhh fuck your nana la. don laugh at me. =( i wear that heels until so long liao you know? my sister gave them to me ... i wear them until they turn orh orh and i still wear. then in the end? they are spoiled! worst of all, was the time when i actually stepped on dog shit and instead of throwing those heels away, i went and washed them myself, and now?they fucking break into two parts! knnccb. =x claire was nice enough to let me wear her BRAND NEW papillo shoes! so nice of her arh ... if not, i will need to walk around bare footed. =\ anyway. the taxi uncle was also freaking stupid sia. he actually let us alight at around 30 bbq pits away from our bbq pit. we alr told him to let us alight near costa sands resort liao lor. in the end, we had to walked for around half an hour just to reach our bbq pit. =\

when we reached there, i was damn hungry and all i wanted was FOOD. choon keong and derrick helped us bbq our food and it was nice! esp the chiken wings~ hahaha ... wai liang's mummy marinated them and it was freaking tasty~ ( eileen ... you so lucky arh! ) there wasn't much water left cos all of them used the water to refill thier water guns. -.- so in the end, they heated the ice to make the ice melt, so there will be water for everyone to drink. hahas. damn lame right? coreen and bing xian came and that poor "dao ming si", got sprayed by everyone lor. they even tried to take off his underwear you know! hahahaha ... as for coreen, she is still as pretty as ever, but i'm prettier! =x ( i hope she doesn't sees this! LOL. ) dewei and boon cheng had a competetion to see who can finish eating a whole big plate of hotdogs! in the end, dewei lost and thy tok off his underwear and played with it! hahahaha ... he's punishment was that he had to stuff this big bag of ice into he's pants. hahahahah =x tony kept playing with the marshmallows lor. he rubbed it under his armpit and he offered it to derrick! hahahaha ... then, he even wanted to compete with me to see who can stuff a marshmallow into our own nostrils! siao lor ... i confirm cannot la. but he also cannot leh. hahaha~ claire kept kana sprayed by everyone and she was damn wet lor ... then in the end, i also tio. at least i'm not as wet as her! hahaha ... i went around scaring everyone, saying that i want to kiss them and they all freaked out! so funny and fun lor ... i really enjoyed myself a lot. after the bbq, we took a cab home ...

you're not worthy of my love. you're not worthy of my tears. i wish that we can still talk like how we used to. but it's too hard to make things the same way like how it used to be. i wish that we can be friends, but not talking to you is the best way for me to get you out of my mind ... to get you out of my life. maybe one day when i have forgotten about my love for you, then can i really take you as my friend. this is the last time ... i love you.

- goodbye L ... -

i will be fine soon.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006, 11:51 PM

i'm back. =))

recently, things has not been going on very smoothly for me. in terms of my emotions, i think i am really affected by what happened to me.

but then, i kinda got over it for a while. but the wierd thing is, it comes back every now and then and when it does, i have to do things to take my mind of the matter. although, the problem is considered settled between us, i still think of him everytime. whatever i do or wherever i go, i will be reminded of him somehow. even when he isn't there at all, somehow things related to him can just pop out, out of nowhere, to remind me that he was onced there. the memories will just come back and the only thing i can do? is to fight it all back so that they won't affect me. this is seriously so hard for me. i have to fight back all the emotions that is welled up inside me and try my best to get on with my life. but then, so far so good. i am really getting better each day. but thinking seriously, am i really feeling better in terms of handling my emotions? am i really forgetting him and giving him up? well, maybe i'm just more and more better at covering what i feel, i guess. such as acting like i don't give a damn about him anymore, when i still do. acting like i'm ignorant and treating him as an invisible figure when i know he is still there. every little things that he does, somehow i will just take note it. hearing his voice or seeing him walking by, i will just react to all this little things ... like a habit. i'm trying to get rid of this habit though. i'm trying ...

i am still being constantly reminded of everything when i see him. sometimes, just taking a casual glance at him, pains my heart. my heart just feels sour and i feel tears welling up in my eyes. why? hais. i think i'm on the brink of insanity ... or maybe i already am. i'm behaving like a mad woman sometimes, this i know. but it just takes my mind off things so that i won't be constantly reminded of his presence.

this is harder than the past attempts i had when i'm giving up on others. do i really like him THAT much?

we are not even talking much anymore. in fact, probably close to not talking. but what can i do ... other then getting on with my life?

cynthia posted a testi for me in friendster for me. she said:

Overbearing Love repels Enchantment.
Enchantment poisoned with revulsion.
Aversion materialises.
Hearts breaks, Earth cracks, Tears run deep.
Love Unrequitted morphs into hate, hate acquaints with spite.
Sanity devoured by intolerable malevolence.
Saints of innocence, sinks into the abyss of discontentment.
Despite agony, please perennate through each seasons...

All the Best =)

it perfectly describes everything. when i saw that? ya ... i cried again. -.-

thanks to all my friends who stayed with me all this while. you know who you are ... ((:

i will be fine soon. but how soon is soon?

- do you notice that i'm gone? -

you are really gone.

Sunday, June 18, 2006, 4:58 PM

well, the class chalet was kinda fun. but, i still think somehow, it didn't ended well like how i think it should be.

or maybe bcos it wasn't very enjoyable for him, so i'm just thinking it from his point of view. so i didnt enjoyed it too.

when i see him like this, i can feel my heart being torn apart. how i wished i can do something to make him feel better, but what can i do at that point in time? i feel so useless and i know clearly that there is nothing i can do. i can only stay away from him ... to make him feel better. doing nothing is the only thing i can do for him i guess.

i knew what was coming. after so much things that has happened, isn't it obvious that such an outcome like this will happen? of course i knew. but why does it it hurt so much even when i knew what was coming?

i'm feeling so blank now. i dunno what to type. i dunno even know how to explain it. all i know is that everything is over. i am a friend to him and he is a friend to me. we will move on with our lives. i cried until my tears can't seem to fall out anymore. i stared up at the ceiling and stoned. i reflected and think through everything. i talked with my friends. they offered advices and let me see what went wrong. it seems to make sense ... yet at the same time, everything just doesn't.

the reality is that you're gone now and that we are friends. but the fantasy is can i choose not to believe?

i just want to learn from this. so that i won't commit the same mistake again and again.

i'm trying my best now to move on with my life. cos it's my life. not anybody's. but it just seems so hard.

i'm down. seriously ... so down. my life is in a total wreck now.

i don't know what to blog anymore.

- she's gone -

thanks for your time.

Saturday, June 17, 2006, 10:59 PM

i came across something really meaningful and i feel like posting it up to share it with all of you.

=))

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man.
College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.
In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.
There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son.
He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him,
"Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It' s been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him, he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time. Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box?" Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was the thing I value most," Jack said. It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack disc overed a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read.

Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside. "Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life."

A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch. Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! - Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time."

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet...thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much that they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

5. You mean the world to someone.

6. If not for you, someone may not be living.

7. You are special and unique.

8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look; you most likely turned your back on the world.

11. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

13. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.

14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great
you send this letter to all the people you care about, you will certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life... for the better.

don't you all just find this meaningful? when i read it, my tears just fell. it just touched my heart a lot. it really did ...

i came back from the chalet alr. well, it was fun to some extent i guess. i'll update more about it next time. i just don feel like talking about it now.

- thanks for your time -

friends friends friends ...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006, 4:46 PM

err well ... i can't reply all the tags in the tagboard cos cbox seems to be down or something. damn it. the internet world is going all fucked up as well ... not only my own world. =\

anyway,

yin`: eh you love japan too much la. keep saying japan lose. lols. don remind me that weijian is botak can? =( ooo. you keep telling me korea won sia. yes i love korea too ... HUAI TING! x))

claire: well, you can call me anything as long as you're happy. just like how happy i am when i call you fatty also. =D ya ... i don care anymore. i will try ... ((:

eileen: ya lors. so cool right? don you think shittylicious sounds high class also? you can call me shitty in short. x))

sean: eh so short? welcome back and enjoy your days before you are locked up in living hell again. -.-

i went to sleep at around 4.30 am last night, but ended up in dreamland at around 5.30 am. but even when my eyes are closed and when my surrondings are all serene, i can still think of him. i'm so PATHETIC. and when i finally get to sleep, i dreamt of him. woah ... this is so hard for me. i keep having this thought in my brain ... WE ARE FRIENDS. i keep reminding myself so i won't act all wierd and stuffs. when i woke up in the morning, the first thought i had was FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS. i feel so sick sia. but so far so good i guess. i wonder how long can i survive with this tactic though. =\

anyway, tml is the CLASS CHALET! hahas. i guess claire is already at hers. i hope she's having fun. maybe i can meet up with her tml when she's leaving? lols. i wanna have fun tml too! i can't wait to see all of my darls from W14D. i bet they miss me too ... hahahaha =x

i'm so shameless. =D

LOL.

- tml is the day -

being friends is the only way out. =)

, 1:02 AM

this few days hasn't really been good for me i guess. my days just seems to be going downhill as time slowly drags by. but instead of letting myself sink futhur into this endless bottomless pit, i guess i need to start to make an effort to climb out of it. if i don't even help myself, then who can help me? true enough, people around me can show me the way and try thier best to knock some sense into my brain, but in the end, it is still up to me ... whether do i want to accept what they say and take on the path that they have showed me ... am i right?

i was on the phone with amanda for this two nights. she was there to hear me ramble my troubles. giving me the comments that i need badly to let me have an idea of what i really need to do. she showed me the way out of the troubles i experience lately and gave me the help i needed so badly. i sincerely thank her for everything she has done to help me ... without her, i might not have found my way out of this confusion so soon and might have breakdown without myself knowing. bestie ... you are really god's gift and is an angel without wings. i love you! muackies. ((:

we really have too much differences between us and i don't think we can resolve all this overnight. we argue a lot and somehow our conversations are not as fun as those that you had with others. you told me this. if you have forgotten ... we used to have very happy and fun conversations too. maybe it's because both of us has changed somehow without ourselves knowing? you said you don't know me well? issit you have known me to an extent that i am turning you off? or maybe we just have too much differences and misunderstandings that they pile up to such an extent ... that everything just seems to be going downhill. sometimes, i will think back to how happy those times were. but now the reality that is in front of me ... is that things have changed. i should not continue dwelling on the past but i should look into the future. what is the best thing for me to do? i thought about this and i finally made a decision. maybe when i treat you as a friend and not someone i like deeply... things will be better. at least, it won't result in the both of us being enemies. in this way, i won't be that emotional, sensitive and i won't tend to think a lot too. in this way, you won't be feeling pressurized too.

somehow, whatever i do just seems to be negative and unlikable. i guess it's just our charateristic and personalility that doesn't matches. or maybe our thinking just repels ... like the polarity of a magnet. i know i've hurt you in some of the things i said and the way i treat you wasn't very nice at the start. i'll assure you that i will treat you as any other friend i have from now on and i won't do anymore mean things to you alr. =))

saying all this ... doesn't mean i'm giving you up. i'm just burying something i have for you in my heart and approaching you in a different way which i think is best for the both of us. the most impt thing you should know, is that giving you up doesn't mean i don't like you anymore.

you say you never read my entries, but still ..

i like you

and this will not change.

((:

- one more day -

from miss shitty to miss shittylicious~

Monday, June 12, 2006, 3:18 PM

once again, i have the "feel" to rot at home today ... and i really did! though it was kinda boring, but somehow i enjoyed it. =D

this will be another short update i guess. =\

i am in a freaking good mood now and i think i know why! most probably, it's because i just changed my msn nick! i know it's wierd of me feeling happy over such a minor thing ... but somehow i just feel so god damn happy over it! and the greatest thing is that ... i had this sudden thought that i'm not going to be bothered by him anymore! i suddenly feel that WHAT YOU DO IS YOUR PROBLEM AND I SERIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT ANYMORE. this time i really mean what i say. i really do mean it~ this feels so good~ life is not as bad as it seems anyway! hahahaha ... x))

i came up with a new design and a new name for my msn nick! but sadly, i can't show it in here because after i tried posting the designs here, blogger gave me those arabian languages that i don't understand. it has all this #$%^&*@! things when i publish it. blogger sucks sometimes ... don't you think so? =\

miss shitty has upgraded to a higher level of shitting level. she has transformed into a person who doesn't give a shit about anything as usual but yet can be eaten and is a delicious piece of shit! don't get a shit about what i'm talking about? well actually, i'm just shitting nonsense. so you don't have to shitty care about what i say in this entire shitting paragraph. =D

in simple, miss shitty is now known as miss shittylicious. x))

but you all can still call me shitty in short ... shitty shitty shitty~

i'm gonna start studying soon. i think i slack too much ... far too much~ i need to buck up in both my maths and poly!

HUAI TING! ( jia you in korean. adapated from full house! =D )

- two more days -

gone were the days.

Sunday, June 11, 2006, 10:33 PM

today's a sunday and i actually stayed at home~ i slept until 4 pm before waking up to have lunch. damn late right? well i know. that's the main reason why i told cynthia i can't go out with her already. futhurmore, it was raining outside. so it just kinda dampens the mood to go out. lols. terry asked me out earlier in the morning too but he was damn suay sia. i was sleeping like a dead log, so in the end, i didn't went out with him either. hahas. sorry people ... today was a good day to rot at home so i didn't want to go out. i just didn't have the "feel" to go out. lols. we shall meet up soon kays? =))

this few days i have been blogging and blogging continuosly. i wonder why? probably because i am just too bored and that i have nothing better to do online i guess. in the past, there is always something for me to do and someone who will be there to talk to me till late in the night ... now that person seems to be gone already or maybe more like drifting futhur away from me? hahas.
what lynnda said is right. i have gotten so used to life like this, that i find it hard to adapt when things just changes... even the slightest change just seems so hard for me to adapt. but i'm already learning to adapt to such a lifestyle already and i think i'm coping quite well with it. hahas. well, that's what i think only ... i'm not very sure about it too. i told amanda and cynthia that i'm going to give up already and they felt so happy that i have finally made the right choice. at that moment, i felt so determined but in the end? i guess i just couldn't. this isn't the first time that i told myself this already and time and time again, i was just being proven wrong ... i just couldn't give up. why? maybe my heart just don't allow me to ...

i was reading through some msn conversations just now and i couldn't help but laugh. things seemed to be so well back then ... but now? seems like a lot of things has already changed. but will things be the same again? i hope it will ...

- gone were the days -

a simple dinner with aunty kin.

Saturday, June 10, 2006, 11:56 PM

i went to aunty kin's hse with mummy and jie jie just now. some of my cousins were there, having tuition with my aunt. somehow, everytime when i see them, i get kinda disappointed and upset. i know it's wierd and funny of me for having such feelings, but i realised that as i grew older, the distance between me and my cousins gets wider. when i was younger, i fool around with them and play with them like there's not tommorow. those were the days when everything seems to be so carefree, simple and fun. now, as we grow older, the distance between me and them just seems to get wider and i find it hard to talk to them. it just feels kinda awkard and wierd ... =\

anyway, claire called me when i was there and i talked to her on the phone. i seriously think that this particular girl is so childish for making such comments about claire. well, hello? she's the one acting bitchy and doing childish things to spite pople and yet she acts like she's the innocent party? and the worse thing, is that the guy actually helped her! i mean isn't it obvious that it's the girl's fault and he actually pushed all the blame to claire? seriously, he's such a jerk! but it's a good thing though because claire can finally have a good look at what type of person he actually is! why does such people exist in this world? it's like they are everywhere ... trying to do things to make you pissed off and trying thier best to disrupt your emotions and your life~ i hate such shitty people ... they just don't have anything better to do eh? =
we had our dinner in one of the coffee shops in ang mo kio and it was damn close to amanda's hse~ hahas. the food was pretty yummilicious actually~ but i was hoping to have other stuffs like crabs, prawns etc. but we couldn't have any of that cos aunty kin can't eat such food ... well it's ok i guess~ we can always have it some other time ... ((: we talked about a lot of things and i think the conversation was kinda funny actually. made me laugh quite a lot of times ... hahas.

we went to amk central to get mummy's hp fixed after dinner while aunty kin went home. the lady at the first shop wasn't very helpful and she made it seemed like we MUST get it repaired to know what's wrong with the handphone. so we went to another shop and the service there is like so much better lor. they helped us check wad's wrong with the phone and they even say that we don't have to pay a single cent if they can't fixed it. guess wad? we really didn't have to pay anything cos they say they can't get it fixed. they are very polite too. hahas. but the most important thing is that ... THE TWO GUYS AT THE SHOP IS FREAKING CUTE! esp the one in the black tee ... hahahaha =x

after that, we went home. ((:

- i miss you like how the deserts misses the rain -

roy's birthday celebration.

Friday, June 09, 2006, 8:07 PM

it was roy's birthday on wednesday and i didnt know it was his birthday until he told me. so sorry boy ...

ROY~ HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY! ( i feel so freaking old. =( )

the birthday boy actually got into an accident last monday. he got knocked down by a motorcycle sia! i really dunno why people like him thinks it's ok sia. he got knocked down by a motorcycle leh! not a bicycle! he say he's fine except for having some briuses. but hello? he didn't even went for a check up or smthg. futhurmore, i think the motorist should pay for his medical fees lor. you see, irresponsibility. =\

anyway, i went out with kenneth, ah neh, kang wei and roy yesterday to celebrate roy's birthday. roy was damn punctual sia. he arrived at 3 am sharp. as for the rest of us, we were all late. hahas. ah neh sms me and machiam say until like he has reached orchard liao. who knows? when we arrived, kang wei and ah neh also haven reach sia. lols. i'm so proud that i'm not the last! hahahaha =x

went to sakae sushi to eat and we had buffet! lots of yummy food for me to eat sia. hahahaha =D~ kenneth and ah neh was acting like gays throughout the entire walk to sakae sushi sia. in fact, they have been acting like gays throughout the whole day. as long as they are together, you confirm can see something obsence happening to the both of them. hahas. don believe? i have PROOF!

kenneth being "tortured" by ah neh on the way to sakae sushi ... actually, kenneth seems to be very unwillingly right? scarly, deep down he might be more than happy to receive such treatment sia. LOL~

when we are at sakae sushi, we ate quite a lot food and we kept ordering more and more when we couldn't find any more nice ones on the conveyer belt. roy wanted to stack the plates and eat until a point where the platess goes beyond the height of the conveyer belt. do you know how much he has to eat to reach that height? i stack until half of the height and i felt that i couldn't eat anymore sia. i don't understand why guys can eat so much sia. why can't i eat as much? i wanna be fatter~ =
pictures taken at sakae sushi. ( beware! contains lots of gay pictures! )

[ mwah reflection. =D ]

[ that's kang wei, kenneth and roy's ehhh reflection also? hahaha =x ]

[ kenneth looking totally like a retard. -.- ]

[ this is seriously no better cos he's acting cute. -.- ]

[ i think i'm have cramps? =\ ]

[ my face seems to be a little too close to the camera eh? ]

[ this is like so much better cos it looks more normal. =D ]

[ ah neh and me! he is one damn funny guy ... ]

roy trying to act as mashi maro! ( that's a gift from ah neh and kang wei ... =) )

[ take 1 ... FAIL~ ]

[ take 2 ... BETTER~ ]

[ take 3 ... SUCCESS~ ]

[ POOF! roy became mashi maro ... you believe? hahas. ]

[ mashi maro and me. =D ]

[ me and mashi maro. =D ]

[ this is such a wierd shot with the two of them behind me. lolx. ]

[ loving couple feeding each other. =) ]

[ after ah neh tortures kenneth, it was roy's turn ... ]

[ kenneth being pinched by roy ... that poor boy. LOL. ]

[ ah neh stacked up the covers and build up a pymaid while the 3 guys acted gay. -.- ]

[ our leftovers. ]

[ kenneth and me before leaving sakae sushi. ]

after eating, we went to the toilet and i actually saw ah neh come out of the girl's toilet after i stepped out of it. AH NEH! YOU ARE SO SICK. i cannot believe he actually enter the girl's toilet sia. -.- then, we walked over to cineleisure to play pool, but it was full so instead of waiting, we went to the arcade. we played some games there and somehow ... lots of memories just flooded back. hahas. i know it's stupid but i just can't help thinking of it. lols. then, the person at kpool called kenneth and told him dere's spaces liao so all of us went back. we played for a while and kang wei left to meet his girl fren while ah neh brought his girl fren here. he's gf has been wanting to meet me for quite some time and i also wanted to meet her ... but she was kinda shy at first? but she talked more as time moves on. hahas. but she's a nice girl and ah neh is so FORTUNATE to have her sia. ((:

oh ya! i won kenneth and roy in pool~ some games only nia ... but still i got win! hahahaha =x
i also won some games when we played at the arcade. oh gosh ... i'm so smart eh? lols.

[ jessica and me! =) ]

[ obviously, it's me larh. =D ]

[ my mouth looks so freaking wierd sia. ]

[ i simply lurve this pic! =D ]

[ me, in roy's XL jacket. -.- ]

[ ah neh simply loves kenneth ... ]

[ ... but he seems to love jessica more. sweet~ ((: ]

after that, we bought movie tickets for the show benchwarmers! since there was time before the show starts, we went over to the nearby kopitiam to eat some food. hahas. i ate bar chor mee and i think it sucks. somehow the noodles is just too hard and it's sooo freaking hot! i didnt know that the chilli would be that hot. if i knew, i wouldn't have asked for it. -.- jessica and ah neh help me buy the food and roy exchaged his western food with me when he know my bar chor mee sucks. lols. i have so many nice friends arh? hahahaha ... =))

we went to the arcade after that, and when the movie is about to start, we went in to watch the show. benchwarmers is a funny show. it's kinda hilarious and i enjoyed it cos i can have a good hearty laugh. nowadays, i just wish i can hear the sound of my laughter more, so i just simply love anything that can make me have a good laugh ... ((:

after the movie, it was almost midnight already and we decided to hang around a little before going home. since there is no public transport alr and the midnight chargers for taxis has alr started, we might as well stay out a little more before going home. we didn't know where to go so we walked all the way to dhoby ghaut. during the walk, i was like chasing roy street after street lor. i forgot what he did to provoke me, but i only know i chased him like a mad woman. lols. always remember, i'm hyper active during night time. hahas. then, at dhoby ghaut, we sat down and talked about where we should go. in the end, ah neh sent his gf back home because she had to work the next day while roy and me ended up going to kenneth's hse. -.-

kenneth lives in redhill and it's like so close to orchard sia~ it's like if i have to go to town from my home, i need more than half an hour but for him is like ... so fast~ we talked crap at his house, use his computer and drank some beer. i was kinda upset bcos smthg happened and i ended up drinking quite fast, but i didn't drink much though. but still, i ended up vomiting. i don understand sia. i drank so little and i can still end up vomiting. i am such a lousy drinker. LOL.
then, we went to sleep and the next day, we had lunch at a nearby market. after that, i took a cab home with roy.

you bring heartaches.

you bring memories.

you bring tears.

you bring smiles.

you bring sadness.

you bring happiness.

you bring hope.

how can i give you up when you bring so many things into my life?

how do you cure heartaches?

- you are a part of me i can't let go. -

shopping, movies, food and friends. =))

Thursday, June 08, 2006, 1:05 AM

i say i will blog more often right?

SEE~ I'M HERE AGAIN. ( hahahaha =x )

just like what i've promised. =))

i met up with claire on wednesday at orchard. eileen was SUPPOSED to come, but she didn't in the end cos she had to stay at home to wait for the air-con technician to come. ( hahahaha =x ) claire and i shopped around at wisma and i realised that one of the lacy black top that i saw at forever 21 with eileen that day is gone! i didn't wan to get it though cos it's so freaking expensive? $48 for a top sia ... so even if i look good in it, i don't think i will get it. =\

we went to takashimaya after that and i saw a lot of nice skirts at zara! but i didn't get them cos it was too costly. claire saw a nice tube top and she didn't get it bcos it cost $60! $60 for just a piece of cloth? wait long long and i'll also never spend my money like this sia. luckily, we didn't buy sia. so what's the next best thing to do if you like something and you can't get it?

take pictures of them in fitting rooms of course ... =)

the pinkish fluffy skirt costs around $60 while the white one costs about $80. which one is nice ar? COMMENTS PLEASE. =D

i seriously don't understand what is the great singapore sale for when everything is like SO expensive! what for have a sale when everything is of no difference? fuck the GSS man. =x
claire asked the sales person are all the items in zara on sale and guess what? she actually said NO. she told claire that the GSS is not being held in zara and i felt like ... WTF? this is a nation-wide sale! how come not applicable here? this is seriously so stupid. fancy them calling this a NATION WIDE SALE~ =/

after that, we went to mango and i saw a top and a skirt that looks kinda nice. it was nice looking until i tried them on and i realised i look like TARZAN in it. i decided to abandon the idea of taking pics of them in the fitting room since i look like ... TARZAN in it. =(

we walked over to cineleisure bcos we wanted to watch a movie and we decided to watch two shows, THE OMEN and SHE'S THE MAN cos both of the shows seems nice and claire wanted to watch these shows so we watch lor. hahas. we ate at cafe cartel and claire ate some kind of choc cake while i had some kind of set meal. and do you know how SLOW they serve our food? i think about half an hr sia. when claire finished her cake, my meal also haven come lor. then in the end, when it finally came, i just took a few bites and claire told me that the movie is starting in 10 mins. i had no choice but to take away the remaining food. =\ amanda called us and we asked her to join us for the second movie and she said ok, so claire went and got another additional ticket for amanda.

we watched the omen first and after the show, we went to takashimaya to return my library books. then, we went to the toilet and guess what we did?

PHOTOWHORE!

after that, we sat down and i ate my packed food from cafe cartel. i feel that the food was perfectly fine after such a long time, but i just don't understand why claire finds it so yucky. she kept giving me those wierd faces when i was eating. lols. after that, we had gelato and it was so freaking yummy! hahas. we met amanda at cineleisure and we went and watch the show, she's the man. after the show, we went over to hereen and we had the craving for cakes! amanda and claire wanted to eat at NYDC but i didn't want to! why? I WUN SAY COS THE INCIDENT WAS TOO HUMILATING. in the end, we ate at NYDC even though i was very unwilling to. why? because claire came up with a very good offer .... she say she'll help me foot the bill if we eat there! LOOK AT WHAT A NICE FREN I HAVE. of cos i agreed lar. i know im a cheapo ... -.-

then, it was home sweet home after that. ((:

she's the man is a very nice show. it's funny and have all those typical love scenes that teenage girls like me loves. as for the omen? it's scary and tends to make you freak out. but then, it's a nice show too. the ending was kinda sucky though cos it was the evil that outwin the good and all the good people in the show actually died. =\

- silent winds in a troubled mind. -

the pot calling the kettle black.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006, 1:34 AM

you know what?

SOME PEOPLE CAN BE SO CHILDISH.

they like to tag anonymously at people's tagboards, commenting about situations that are SO not real at all, try to stir up the emotions of others and starting quarrels. some even went to the extent of ACCUSING people that they blocked them on msn ... when she was the person who did that first. then, she starts yakking away to her friends about how bad that person is, blocking her on msn when she was the person who started all this blocking stuffs. and to think you actually unblock me after you blocked me? for what? what are you trying to prove? are you just trying to show off that you have a lot of friends who can take sides with you when you're having trouble? IT'S NOT ABOUT THE QUANTITY, IT'S ABOUT THE QUALITY. worst of all, that particular person even went to the extent of writing testimonials and talking to herself. she is showing nothing, except for the fact that she is acting like a mad person.

the matter has already happened like for more den half a year? so why can't some people just let it go and stop all this childish acts? well, only when you let it go, then can it be better for all of us ...

and you say you don care? then why have such a big reaction when you know what's going on?

think before you speak sometimes and GROW UP. =)

- fancy the pot calling the kettle black. -

i need to reflect on myself.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 8:45 PM

i just blogged a few hours ago and now i feel like blogging again.

i can't find anyone to talk to now ... and the only place i could think of was here.

=))

well, sean msged me today and told me that i had a big character flaw. i know he's being nice and is just doing his part as a friend by telling me what's wrong with me before he goes into army, and i don blame him for it. but i just can't seem to understand the logic behind it.

what's wrong with my character?

am i being too loud or noisy? too unladylike? irritating at times? too emotional and sensitive? easily jealous over trival matters?

or am i just too direct when i speak? i'm too straight-forward and i just speak without any sense or regard for others? am i insulting people too much? did i hurt them in anyway?

this are the questions that are running through my mind without any solutions.

i even went to the extent of asking my mother what's wrong with my character ... and she says i speak without thinking and thus, hurt others without knowing.

am i really like this?

all of a sudden, i feel so ashamed. you once told me before all the flaws i have in my character and instead of accepting it, i just say you back. i told you yours the other night, and you are willing to know and accept what's wrong with you. but me? i just suan you back. i didn't know that there REALLY is something wrong with my character ... until another person told me.

maybe becos of this, then i know that there is seriously something wrong with me. i didn't knew what was wrong with me in the first place and i was not willing to admit that i was like this in the past, that was why i didn't change much ...

all of a sudden, i think maybe i have hurt you more in the things that i do. maybe the things i said are much more hurtful than you? making you disappointed and upset with me ... for being like this. maybe the person who is really understanding ... is you.

and now ... i think i should really be the one to say sorry to you.

i'm sorry for being mean and not nice to you at times. not forgetting irritating also ...

SORRY.

and now that i know there are flaws ...

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO GO ABOUT CHANGING THEM?

i seriously need to do some reflection about myself and i hope that the next time you see me ...

I WILL BE A CHANGED PERSON TO YOU.

((:

- reflection in progress. -

i love my girls ... =D

, 6:24 PM

err hello?

i'm back to blog~ hahas. i have so many things to blog out but i just can't seem to put them in order sia. pictures and pictures! i have loads of them but i'm too lazy to upload. eh maybe i'll upload all of them in this entry? hahas. you lucky people ... can see my pretty face sia! =x

i have lots to say also but then i can't just go on and on cos i might bore you people out. so i will try to shorten them. its kinda hard though ... since i'm such a long-winded person. hahahaha~ anyway, i will try to update more often since it's the holidays now ... x))

THIS WILL BE A LONG ENTRY. ( just telling you all, so you all can be prepared mah. -.- )

well, let's talk about my girlfriends first. ( claire, eileen and amanda. ) i have been going out with them this few weeks and i really enjoyed myself you know. time seems to pass quickly when you're with them and everything just spells fun! hahas. at the very least, they can hear me talk and i can rant whatever shitty problems that i have to them. hahas. they can always make me smile whenever i feel so downright shitty ... i love them. =))

last sunday, i met up with eileen and amanda first. i was late as usual and we shopped around a little before meeting claire. claire was working mah so we had to WAIT for her to have dinner. lols. we went for dinner at sakura ( the somerset outlet) and although it's quite expensive, the food there is seriously yummy.

you don believe how good it taste? take a look at this.

[ that's claire's plate. NOT mine. -.- ]

[ how our food looks before we start gobbling them down. ]

[ the desserts! looks nice eh? it taste as good too. ]

claire was seriously mad. she took SO much food that i think it might just come crashing down on her. ( aw, i know it's a buffet la. but you also no need to be so kiasu de mah. ) i didn't know she can be more kiasu than me sia. but now ... i know. hahahaha =x as for amanda, she freaking poured in so much VINEGAR into my shark fin's soup sia! she said that i am full of jealousy ... so i should drink more of it. -.- also, i ate this big piece of oyster and the very minute it was in my mouth, i spit it ALL out! cos is just simply stink so much and i realised i forgot to squeeze lemon onto it. all of them couldn't take the stench and i even put that nice plate of 'spit-out' oyster in front of eileen. ( chong, i make you lose ur appetite eh? hahahaha =x )

we went esplanade and we had a good chat down dere. all of us are troubled by our own problems so it was a good thing we talked it out there. and that freaking claire kept removing her shoes when we were there! do you all know how much her feet stinks? im not joking alright. she kept rubbing her fingers in between her toes and then ... SHE TOUCHED ME! she touched me everywhere you know! ahhhhhhhhh~ i feel so dirty after that ... worse still, she started chasing me along the streets of esplanade, insisting that i smell her shoes. i think she's sick in the mind and she's driving me nuts. =\

[ you see? i told you she's sick in the mind. she actually CLIMBED UP the railings of an escalator .......... -.- ]

after that outing, we went kbox on wednesday. my all time favourite hung out! hahas. i met up with eileen and claire earlier cos i skipped school that day. i was kinda sian and i felt sick sia. so might as well go kbox to cure my sickness instead of going school. hahaha ... i think i'm just sick of school so i just wan to escape from it for a day. or maybe because it was paterson's lesson? and i felt sian 1/2 liao ... so might as well don go. he's leaving rp anyway, so i don think i will be seeing him around alr. i have to say ... he has interesting and fun lessons but he don like me sia and he gives me lousy grades ... so he go better la. ( i'm so bad sia. =\ )

we shopped around at citylink and marina sq and after claire got the things she wanted, we went to amk to meet amanda to sing kbox~

claire and me was acting like animals seriously ... ahhhhh~ with people like her around ... i can NEVER be normal. =
don believe? see for urself.

[ it all started with her trying to punch me in the face and holding me down~ ]

[ then ... she actually hold my legs so i can't move~ ]

[ after that, she actually grab me with her fat legs... =\ ]

[ and when she knows i couldn't move ... she LAUGHED hysterically. ]

[ look at poor me ... i look like i am fainting right? ]

[ and i really did! ]

she is so sick in the mind i tell you. that mad woman! and amanda and eileen was also mad enough to be snapping all this pictures when the both of us are fighting ... =\

but i still love all of them ... =))

including myself ... *shyyy*

- falling blossoms and winter tears. -