forever twenty-one ;

being friends is the only way out. =)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006, 1:02 AM

this few days hasn't really been good for me i guess. my days just seems to be going downhill as time slowly drags by. but instead of letting myself sink futhur into this endless bottomless pit, i guess i need to start to make an effort to climb out of it. if i don't even help myself, then who can help me? true enough, people around me can show me the way and try thier best to knock some sense into my brain, but in the end, it is still up to me ... whether do i want to accept what they say and take on the path that they have showed me ... am i right?

i was on the phone with amanda for this two nights. she was there to hear me ramble my troubles. giving me the comments that i need badly to let me have an idea of what i really need to do. she showed me the way out of the troubles i experience lately and gave me the help i needed so badly. i sincerely thank her for everything she has done to help me ... without her, i might not have found my way out of this confusion so soon and might have breakdown without myself knowing. bestie ... you are really god's gift and is an angel without wings. i love you! muackies. ((:

we really have too much differences between us and i don't think we can resolve all this overnight. we argue a lot and somehow our conversations are not as fun as those that you had with others. you told me this. if you have forgotten ... we used to have very happy and fun conversations too. maybe it's because both of us has changed somehow without ourselves knowing? you said you don't know me well? issit you have known me to an extent that i am turning you off? or maybe we just have too much differences and misunderstandings that they pile up to such an extent ... that everything just seems to be going downhill. sometimes, i will think back to how happy those times were. but now the reality that is in front of me ... is that things have changed. i should not continue dwelling on the past but i should look into the future. what is the best thing for me to do? i thought about this and i finally made a decision. maybe when i treat you as a friend and not someone i like deeply... things will be better. at least, it won't result in the both of us being enemies. in this way, i won't be that emotional, sensitive and i won't tend to think a lot too. in this way, you won't be feeling pressurized too.

somehow, whatever i do just seems to be negative and unlikable. i guess it's just our charateristic and personalility that doesn't matches. or maybe our thinking just repels ... like the polarity of a magnet. i know i've hurt you in some of the things i said and the way i treat you wasn't very nice at the start. i'll assure you that i will treat you as any other friend i have from now on and i won't do anymore mean things to you alr. =))

saying all this ... doesn't mean i'm giving you up. i'm just burying something i have for you in my heart and approaching you in a different way which i think is best for the both of us. the most impt thing you should know, is that giving you up doesn't mean i don't like you anymore.

you say you never read my entries, but still ..

i like you

and this will not change.

((:

- one more day -