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herhiddenthoughts
Mood: Excited. Quotes: “Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.”
i need to reflect on myself.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006, 8:45 PM
i just blogged a few hours ago and now i feel like blogging again.

i can't find anyone to talk to now ... and the only place i could think of was here.

=))

well, sean msged me today and told me that i had a big character flaw. i know he's being nice and is just doing his part as a friend by telling me what's wrong with me before he goes into army, and i don blame him for it. but i just can't seem to understand the logic behind it.

what's wrong with my character?

am i being too loud or noisy? too unladylike? irritating at times? too emotional and sensitive? easily jealous over trival matters?

or am i just too direct when i speak? i'm too straight-forward and i just speak without any sense or regard for others? am i insulting people too much? did i hurt them in anyway?

this are the questions that are running through my mind without any solutions.

i even went to the extent of asking my mother what's wrong with my character ... and she says i speak without thinking and thus, hurt others without knowing.


am i really like this?

all of a sudden, i feel so ashamed. you once told me before all the flaws i have in my character and instead of accepting it, i just say you back. i told you yours the other night, and you are willing to know and accept what's wrong with you. but me? i just suan you back. i didn't know that there REALLY is something wrong with my character ... until another person told me.

maybe becos of this, then i know that there is seriously something wrong with me. i didn't knew what was wrong with me in the first place and i was not willing to admit that i was like this in the past, that was why i didn't change much ...

all of a sudden, i think maybe i have hurt you more in the things that i do. maybe the things i said are much more hurtful than you? making you disappointed and upset with me ... for being like this. maybe the person who is really understanding ... is you.

and now ... i think i should really be the one to say sorry to you.

i'm sorry for being mean and not nice to you at times. not forgetting irritating also ...

SORRY.

and now that i know there are flaws ...

HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO GO ABOUT CHANGING THEM?

i seriously need to do some reflection about myself and i hope that the next time you see me ...

I WILL BE A CHANGED PERSON TO YOU.

((:

- reflection in progress. -



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