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herhiddenthoughts
Mood: Excited. Quotes: “Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.”
i will be fine soon.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006, 11:51 PM
i'm back. =))

recently, things has not been going on very smoothly for me. in terms of my emotions, i think i am really affected by what happened to me.

but then, i kinda got over it for a while. but the wierd thing is, it comes back every now and then and when it does, i have to do things to take my mind of the matter. although, the problem is considered settled between us, i still think of him everytime. whatever i do or wherever i go, i will be reminded of him somehow. even when he isn't there at all, somehow things related to him can just pop out, out of nowhere, to remind me that he was onced there. the memories will just come back and the only thing i can do? is to fight it all back so that they won't affect me. this is seriously so hard for me. i have to fight back all the emotions that is welled up inside me and try my best to get on with my life. but then, so far so good. i am really getting better each day. but thinking seriously, am i really feeling better in terms of handling my emotions? am i really forgetting him and giving him up? well, maybe i'm just more and more better at covering what i feel, i guess. such as acting like i don't give a damn about him anymore, when i still do. acting like i'm ignorant and treating him as an invisible figure when i know he is still there. every little things that he does, somehow i will just take note it. hearing his voice or seeing him walking by, i will just react to all this little things ... like a habit. i'm trying to get rid of this habit though. i'm trying ...

i am still being constantly reminded of everything when i see him. sometimes, just taking a casual glance at him, pains my heart. my heart just feels sour and i feel tears welling up in my eyes. why? hais. i think i'm on the brink of insanity ... or maybe i already am. i'm behaving like a mad woman sometimes, this i know. but it just takes my mind off things so that i won't be constantly reminded of his presence.

this is harder than the past attempts i had when i'm giving up on others. do i really like him THAT much?

we are not even talking much anymore. in fact, probably close to not talking. but what can i do ... other then getting on with my life?

cynthia posted a testi for me in friendster for me. she said:

Overbearing Love repels Enchantment.
Enchantment poisoned with revulsion.
Aversion materialises.
Hearts breaks, Earth cracks, Tears run deep.
Love Unrequitted morphs into hate, hate acquaints with spite.
Sanity devoured by intolerable malevolence.
Saints of innocence, sinks into the abyss of discontentment.
Despite agony, please perennate through each seasons...

All the Best =)

it perfectly describes everything. when i saw that? ya ... i cried again. -.-

thanks to all my friends who stayed with me all this while. you know who you are ... ((:

i will be fine soon. but how soon is soon?

- do you notice that i'm gone? -



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