hey peeps! answer this question for me will ya?

CAN YOU ALL SEE MY BLOGSKIN?

i think there's something wrong with my template so i need to change the skin if there's anything wrong.

do answer the question ok?

thanks!

i'll update later.

heh.

i skipped school again today.

maybe i should use again and again and again ... the list just goes on. i'm too tired to go to school today. i have not had a good rest this few days. i kept going out and coming home late so i just wanted a break from school. seriously, i think i'm having far too much breaks alr. even my boy says i'm skipping too much school already. i'm afraid my grades will be affected so i made up my mind already. i shall stop missing school from now on!

i wonder whether can i make sure this comes true or not huh? hahahaha. =x

oh i'll try my best. not to forget drinking more water, eating more food, sleeping earlier, being on time blah blah blah ... LOL.

i want to make sure my resolutions for 2007 is still working. (:

shall update more later alright?

time to watch those mouldy movies i have on my lappy!

UPDATE

there's something wrong with the tagboard and i can't reply my tags. i shall reply them here alright?

me - eileen: yes we are best friends. thanks for being so understanding and forgiving for what happened yesterday night ah. aha. no la. that entry was dedicated to amanda ma so i wrote her name only. i wrote i'll never forget my girls what. you are one of them. you should know it dear. (:

me - oopsiedooo: hahas. i'm fine already. i just miss my best friend only. thanks. btw, who are you?

me - amanda: things like our friendship right? i know bestie. i know. see you soon. (:

me - kim: is the whole template full of those photobucket bandwidth exceeded thing? oh man. i need to change my blogskin already. i just used it for less den a week la. ):

me - fiona: i didn't know. i was merely saying for fun. aha. serious ah? that's the feeling you will know when you meet your best friend. yes i have boy boy alr. aiyo this kind of things no need annouce to the whole world de ma. aha. now you know liao ma. (:

i don't wish to be so emotional and sensitive. ):

i cried last night. it's been a long time since my tears last flowed. this time, it didn't flow for just any guy. my tears fell for a friend of mine. my dearest friend. my best friend.

i was talking to her in msn and i realised that it's been sometime since i've last talked to her. we do sms occasionally and update each other on our lives but somehow we are apart. there's a certain distant between us and i can't see her as much as i used to in my secondary school days. i used to see her everyday and i can talk to her anytime and anywhere i want. i miss that feeling. it felt really nice and special to have someone so close to you at all times. someone to lean on when you are feeling sick and tired. someone who cares from you from the heart. i really miss those days.

but sadly, those days are gone. we can never be around and together like how we used to. we have to admit that this is one of the major changes. we can't meet up as much. this might be one of the many changes that we experienced in our friendship i guess. knowing new friends and going out with them, being busy in our school work and having our own problems. we are continuing with our lives.

but when i settle down and when i'm alone, somehow my mind will be diverted to her and i would feel like expressing my concern for her. i just don't know how to i guess. i'm scared i'll do it in the wrong way. as my life goes on everyday, there is like a missing spot in my heart. no matter how many new people i meet along the way, none of them can fill up that space. she is like the only one who is fit to be in there. it's just different i guess.

my heart just turned sour and tears started welling up in my eyes when i talked to her in msn last night. i miss her so much as a friend. i feel like sharing so much things with her and telling her everything that happened to me. that feeling i experienced ... is beyond words could explained. believe it or not, only the both of us will understand.

i seriously don't give a damn about people calling me a lesbian and saying i'm crazy over a friend. i wonder why such people only waste their tears on guys who just come and go in their lives. to me, true friends are the people who stay with you to give you comfort and care when you get hurt or ditched by guys. where are all the guys you love when you need them? i know i can't blame such people too. they have never gone through such things and never had such feelings before so they can never understand. in their eyes, they would just find it psychotic. i just don't give a damn about it.

i'm happy with my life now and i feel really blessed when i'm with him. somethings has finally ended and now a new phase has begin. i just hope we last.

anyway, i'll never forget my girls ... especially you, amanda.

(:

superdog and cable car rides.

before i start, sharifah asked me to say HI to all of you. LOL.

i finally changed the skin and song to something new. if you notice, this is my first skin with a white background and is something which is more cute. normally, my skins are all dark coloured and reflects my misery. maybe it's time to change to something positive. (:

the song playing is x japan's endless rain.

Endless Rain - Japanese

I'm walking in the rain
Yuke ate mo naku kizutsuita karada murashi
Karamitsuku koori no zawameki
Koroshi tsuzukete samayou itsu made mo
Until I can forget your love

Nemuri wa mayaku tohou ni kureta
Kokoro o shizuka ni tokasu
Maiagaru ai o odorasete
Furueru karada o kioku no bara ni tsutsumu
I keep my love for you to myself

Endless rain fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me
You're just an illusion
When I'm awaken, my tears have dried in the sand of sleep
I'm a rose blooming in the desert

It's a dream, I'm in love with you
Madoromi dakishimete

Endless rain fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you

The dream is over
Koe ni naranai kotoba o kurikaeshite mo
Takasugiru hai iro no kabe wasugi satta hi no
Omoi o yume ni utsusu
Until I can forget your love

Endless rain fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Endless rain, let me stay
Evermore in your heart
Let my heart take in your tears
Take in your memories

Endless rain fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness
Endless rain

Endless Rain - English

I'm walking in the rain
Dying, my body wet and hurting for some reason, I weep
I embrace the intoxicated ice
Kill me as I continue to wander forever
Until I can forget your love

Sleep is a narcotic that is exceptional
My heart dissolves in the silence
Flying up, my love is made to dance
My body trembling at the memory of the touch of a rose
I keep my love for you to myself

Endless rain fall on my heart, in the wounds of this heart
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me
You're just an illusion
When I'm awaken, my tears have dried in the sand of sleep
I'm a rose blooming in the desert

It's a dream, I'm in love with you
Let me sleep in your embrace

Endless rain fall on my heart, in the wounds of this heart
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you

The dream is over
Your voice imitates the words again
Floating lost along the ash-colored walls
I remember the dream in a reflection
Until I can forget your love

Endless rain fall on my heart, in the wounds of this heart
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Endless rain, let me stay
Evermore in your heart
Let me take in your tears
Take in your memories

Endless rain fall on my heart, in the wounds of this heart
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness
Endless rain

nice song right?

this upcoming week will be packed and i can't wait to go out with my friends to take my mind off my troubles for a while.

recently, i came to know that my feelings aren't as strong as i thought it would be. as long as i meet a person who can't give me a strong feeling that i always have at first, it will never work out. it has always happened and i know that it might happened again this time. some say this is just a mentality that i have and i should remove that thinking. to me, it's not just a mentality that i have, it's a kind of sixth sense that i choose to believe. it's my own feeling and i trust it. it's like the same feeling that you get when you want to get into a relationship or when you fall in love with a person. i choose to listen to it cos it belongs to me and i feel very fulfilling and complete when i heed this feeling. even though it won't work out everytime, the process and experience makes me feel happy. at the very least, there are memories.

i really don't know how my heart works. can anyone please tell me? it's all messed up now. i don't feel like loving anyone. i seriously don't wish to.

for now, i feel sorry for one person and i know i'm too much. really sorry. we'll see how it goes.

sigh.

endless rain fall on my heart, in the wounds of this heart
let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

time to update again. i seriously feel that if i don't, aqilah will kill me la. she's so fierce to me when i don't update my blog. ):

seven days has passed since we stepped into the new year. how many of you out there can still remember the resolutions you have made? how many of you are actually making it come true?

i'm still trying my very best to fulfill my resolutions. although there's still minor glitches here and there at times, so far i think i have been carrying them out pretty well i guess. at the very least, i'm trying. i'm really trying already. i don't wish to give up half way. sad to say, some of you out there might not even feel it. but i'll continue trying until you all can feel it. i'll use my heart. i'll never forget that he taught me to use my heart to speak. (:

my nephew came over today and he's growing up real fast. he's still as adorable as ever but he's always crying. i really don't know why but sometimes it can really get on my nerve. i dote on him and love him a lot but he really cries too much. far too much. it has gotten to the extent of him being labelled as irritating when i hear him cry. for the entire 6 hours when he came over today, he was crying for 3 hours and he was sleeping soundly for the remaining 3 hours. you get wad i'm saying now? he cries until his voice is coarse and sore and my heart seriously aches for him. i even asked my mum whether can i get any mask for him to cover up his mouth in order to stop him from crying cos i'm really scared that he'll lose his voice as this goes on. other than that, he's just so cute whenever he laugh and smile whenever i play with him.





ain't he cute? (:

people around me have been breaking up recently. even though i am just an outsider, it's sad to see people separating after they have been through so much. in the end, only to realise that this person wasn't the one you're looking for. then, the cycle goes on and on again. sometimes i just wonder why? why are emotions made like this? maybe that's what you called life.

i have been trying to help some of the people around me recently. although i don't think i'm of much help, i seriously hope what i've done for them can make them cherish whatever they once had with each other more. be it friends or lovers, i just hope for the best for the both of them. good luck. (:

currently, i am very into a band called X JAPAN. i already came to know of this band a long time ago. (thanks to cynthia, the rock chic.) i didn't really like them and another friend of mine sent me some of their songs. at first, i just find it nice and wasn't really into them until he showed me a funeral video of their bassist, hide. i went online to find out more about him and i started to like him. it's such a pity that he died cos he was really talented and popular. he was found dead on a ripped white towel at his apartment's doorknob. some say he was trying to scare people cos he was well known to perform stunts to scare people and it was a stunt gone wrong. some say it was a suicidal attempt of his while some others say he's died cos he wanted to experience the thrill of dying. he's already gone for 8 years and he died when he was 33. if he's still alive, he'll be 41 by now. so sad can?











i think their music and the people in the band really rocks la. how i wish hide is still alive and they will come to singapore to perform. cynthia and me will buy front row tickets and scream our ass off.

cynthia has been waiting for this day for a long time. the day i fell in love with X JAPAN.

rock on. \m/

crucify my love.