the STA FOP 2007 camp is finally over.

i manged to mingle around with students who are in different years. (i mean both the freshmen and the seniors of STA.) not forgetting to mention to get to know and to see the faces of all the facilitators in STA.

it was so tiring to be running around the school during the gangsta hunt, screaming on top of your lungs, getting everyone motivated and to be enthusiastic about the programmes that we have lined up for them, racking your brains for creatives ideas, performing and doing silly stunts in front of the school, sleeping in the cold forum, eating the food that doesn't taste like food. being tired is one thing but imagine doing all this when you are sick. it's almost like a tragedy to me.

nevertheless, it was a fun experience being a student leader and to be the one to lead and to care for the juniors. although the team was rather introvert and we aren't really the best team among all, i was glad that all of them gradually opened up and got into the camping mood. i hope this camp is a valuable experience for them cos it really is an unforgettable camp for me.

not just because of the camp itself, but because of someone i saw there.

it all started on the first day during breakfast. when i got the food for the team and was walking back to our seats, i glanced through the sitting crowd and i saw this person who was sitted down. our eyes met at that same moment and i was strucked by the resemblance of that face. his name and face immediately popped into mind. how could anyone in this world look so alike? the intensity of his eyes and the way he looked at me was beyond words. his eyes was so intense that i am strucked for five seconds that felt like forever.

i went back to my seat and i told cynthia about it before calling someone to let him know that i saw a person who resembles him so much that i felt that they might be the same person. in the end, it turned out that the person wasn't him. it was two different person, my mind kept telling me but my heart sees them as the same person. i didn't know why.

when i got to hear him speak in the crowd, telling the school his name and age, that really took my breathe away. how can there be anyone who looked so alike and they can even have the same name and age? i am bothered by this throughout the camp and i couldn't take my eyes of that person. somehow, i think he noticed that i am always staring at him and he would always give me this smirk and this look that he thinks he is the most handsome being on earth. soon, i got to dislike him more and more. the way he behaved and his attitude annoyed me even more when i got to see how he potrays himself in front of everyone. i bad mouthed about him and called him a poser and a show off and i stared at him everytime i walk past. somehow, i think he knows that i dislike him i guess.

i went home from the camp and i am still bothered by the resemblance of this two person. i was tired and i intend to bathe and sleep when i get home. who knows? i typed his name in the search engine and searched through all the 554 accounts that i found. just when i was about to give up, i found him. when i reach the last page, this photo that i saw strucked me so hard that i can hardly breathe. it was the profile of that person i saw at the camp. attached and happy with the life he has. his profile also contained a lot of others pictures that the other person i know actually had. the guy i saw at school seem to have a lot of concrete evidence to proof that he is the real person when compared to the other person i know.

this was when i realised that the person i know was a cheat. he wasn't the real person at all. he faked everything. yes, he is a faker and is a liar. all the things that he said was a lie and he was just using the identity of another to speak to me. i feel so cheated and i feel so hurt. the person i saw at camp was the one with his own real identity. the other guy just completely faked everything up.

and i cried. i really cried.

this is too much for me to take. i was cheated of my feelings and was being kept in the dark for almost 2 months! if i never did meet that person at the camp, i would never know what happened and i will still be blinded.

thank god for bringing that person into my sch. thank god that he attended the camp. thank god for letting me see what is actually really happening before i get hurt any furthur. thank god for everything.

this is really more than a coincidence. it's like it's arranged for me to find this out. everything just seems to be layed out so nicely and it seemed like all this while, i am just waiting for the time to come for me to find out all this.

the only thing i am being bothered is, how am i supposed to go to school and to face that person whenever he walks pass? how would i feel?

one has the face, the other has the character.

but so?

they are still not the same person. the person i really loved didn't exist in the first place.

now tell me ...

how do you love a person who never existed?