i was chatting with eileen in msn just now and we had a rather funny conversation.

[: мıѕѕ ѕнıттγlıсıоus :] ♥ says (1:48 AM):
but i still nv forget abt john
how ah.
zhong du tai shen
єılєєи ` there is always a reason behind says (1:48 AM):
lols!
u need jie yao
[: мıѕѕ ѕнıттγlıсıоus :] ♥ says (1:49 AM):
how?
he is the jie yao.
lol
єılєєи ` there is always a reason behind says (1:49 AM):
no no
he is the tu yao
u need a jie yao from gao ren
[: мıѕѕ ѕнıттγlıсıоus :] ♥ says (1:50 AM):
no.
he is the du yao
he is also the jie yao.
he is also the gao ren who can give me the jie yao.
HAHA.
єılєєи ` there is always a reason behind says (1:50 AM):
LOL
no no
he is the one who hai u zhong du so he is the du yao he cannot be ur jie yao u cannot yi du gong du
[: мıѕѕ ѕнıттγlıсıоus :] ♥ says (1:56 AM):
aiyo can la
he is the jie yao
he can only jie the du
noone can.
if he don help me jie du
i will zhui du shen wang.
єılєєи ` there is always a reason behind says (1:57 AM):
hahaha
wun la.
u will really soon find the person who pass u the jie yao
[: мıѕѕ ѕнıттγlıсıоus :] ♥ says (2:00 AM):
he is the only one who can.
met many people already but to no avail.
he is really the only one i guess. [:

although it appears to be funny, i seriously meant every word i've said. i've met countless of unsincere bastards who expresses their interest and simply walk out of my life. i've also met people who stayed in my life and became good friends. i've also met really sincere people who goes all out to show their love and continued to be the pillar of strength when i need their help.

somehow, i just can't seem to develop any concrete feelings for all these people i've met. all the feelings or interest just seems to be gone in a split second and i'm back to square one. the feelings are weak and they just can't seem to last. once again, i will end up thinking that i don't need anyone in my life and i will be confident that i can find that special person who can make me love him like how you made me felt. seriously, does that person even exist? what am i searching for? what do i actually want?

everytime when someone new is about to enter my life, my thoughts will still be drawn to you. it just happens naturally and i can't control it. you are just deep down somewhere inside me and i can't just seem to throw you aside. i can't seem to forget you no matter how hard i've always tried.

somehow, you just seem to be the only one who is high above the rest and you just seem to be the only one. everyone who is close to me will surely know about you. every single update about you that you tell me can make me elated. a simple gesture or word from you can make me or break me, just like what happened today. you have such amazing powers and i always wonder why.

i have already moved on with my life and i am meeting new people everyday. i am still as busy like how i've always been. i am still the way like how i used to be. you told me not to change for anyone or just because someone says so, but only to change because i want to. i've moved on with that thought in my mind and with every single word deeply etched in my mind.

then why is it when the city is sleeping in the midst of the night, the memories we share just plays back like an old film without any sound in my mind? why do i still dream of you even when i'm asleep?

if only i knew the answers to all my questions.

i wonder will our paths cross again in the years to come.