Now playing: 周杰伦 - 不能说的秘密
via FoxyTunes

this is the first time you've told me so much. somehow, the situation this time doesn't feel right anymore. no matter how many times we've argued over the same things again and again, it always feels like you'll still be there. no matter how angry you are, you'll still be there to answer my calls and to talk to me till wee hours in the morning. in the end, we'll still meet up and hug each other to ease all the quarrels that we've had.

this time, it feels like we're so distant and faraway. there seems to be a gap in between us and it's like we've gotten so sick of going through the same things again and again ... that we don't see the need to do anything anymore.

it seems like whatever you've said this time is different from whatever you've said before. this feeling is so intense.

i'm escaping from whatever you've said. i'm just burying myself in work to stop myself from thinking of whatever you've told me. i don't wish to think anymore.

):

there's so many things that i want to say but i can't seem to find the right words. the feelings that i'm having now is so complex.

it seems like even the group that i consider as my closest and the best of friends ... doesn't really seem to be that close anymore.

we used to spend so much time together back then in secondary school and now it dawn upon me that we can meet up like once a month or probably longer than that? when we do meet up, we say it's because we miss each other but do we really miss each other that much? if not, why can we go to the extent of not meeting up for such a long time?

i know that we're all busy with our lives but the closeness that we used to share is really drifting apart. sometimes, i don't even know what's up with the rest of their lives and what they've been through or what they are going through currently. the happy moments and the sad moments that we used to share doesn't seem to be happening now. i don't even know what is happening to them, at this very moment.

this is like the cold, hard reality that everyone has to go through in life. many would say, we have to go through all this and it's just parts and parcels in life. i wonder why do we have to experience all this in the first place. experiencing all this makes me grow or just because this is life?

i have so many doubts about my life now and i can't even clear them. maths exams are nearing and i can't afford to fail again cos' i'll be disappointing my family and my parents. they're changing their syllabus and they'll be including A Maths in the exams next year. 30 percent of A Maths! how can i possibly understand A Maths when i already suck at E Maths? i have to pass, no matter what.

as for pp, i finally got the interview with shirlyn done. i'm just typing down all the answers into a document before i start working on my report. no one's helping my with my posters already. i'll need to start on it as soon as exams are over and after i submit the report.

i hope i'll make it through.

a figure of the past, a figment of my imagination.