Ken says (1:10 AM):
"true wealth is measured by the quantity of quality friends"

you know, there are many different groups of people that you'll meet in your walk of life.

some are just acquaintances, people whom you just say hello and goodbye to.

some of them becomes your best friends, your good friends, your closest friends. this are the group of people whom you go through so much together. people whom you pour your woes and troubles to and people who will do the same back to you. this are the group of people who will never turn their backs on you when you are going through hardships and difficult moments in your life. they will always be there to show care and concern for you and to snap you back to reality when you really need it. they do it because they understand you fully and they want you to change, not because they just couldn't stand you anymore.

this few people are the people i have always been mentioning about. amanda, claire, eileen and cynthia. i always talk about them in my blog because they have always made an impact in my life and in my later years, i want to look through this blog again and be glad that i have such people with me throughout my life journey with me.

while some are just people that you hang around with everyday when you're in school and you don't really contact each other anymore as soon as you disappear from each other's sight. this are the kind of people whom you have fun with. they are somehow like an entertaining friend and it just stops there. you don't share problems with each other and you don't discuss much problems sincerely with each other.

this is a particular situation that i would like to talk about today. somebody commented about me quite badly in his blog and seriously, i wasn't in the least bit offended. (this might be due to the fact that my best friends have done much more nastier things to me to try waking me up. heh.)

i was just surprised that this person didn't come straight up to me to tell me his views about me and instead, decided to use a hidden channel to send his message to me and to others. i'm not saying that it's wrong, but since he's always claiming that we're best friends, i thought he would come straight up to me and tell me his dissatisfactions straight in the face.

part of what he said was true and i agreed with it. in fact, i even made a move to apologize about a misunderstanding that we had. somehow, the conversation just gradually got into an argument and all i got was backlash. it seems like this person, who have always claimed that i'm his best friend, was trying to make assertions about me. since i have known him for almost a year, i know that with that character of his, he'll only end up getting angry and fighting back even more. just to let you all know, my intention was not to fight back at all. i was just trying to clear things up.

with his temper, i know he'll go around and start telling people about whatever things that happened cos' he has always told me such stuffs whenever he gets into conflicts with his other cliques. seriously, i can't really be bothered by it and i still choose to go ahead to talk things out with him. am i stupid or what? haha.

all i can say to you is that i have never really felt that you are my best friend. this probably explains why i've never called you a bestie and whenever you called me one, i just choose to keep quiet. i remember telling you a few times that cynthia is really my best friend in poly and yes, she still is.

the only reason that keeps us from being best friends is probably how similar we are. i always feel that i am right and you always feel that you are wronged. sometimes when i look at your character, i can see my reflection in you. this probably explains why i am trying so hard to change because i do not want to become someone like you. i don't wish to have so many friends like you and at the end of the day, i can't even have a real friend by my side. i have always been telling you that i have never been close to the so called clique that was formed back then. this shouldn't be a surprise if you have been paying attention throughout the one year. they are my friends but they are not the people whom i will pour my problems and woes to.

all i need are a few best friends and true enough, i already have them. i don't need to go searching and looking for any more friends. they have never drift away from me and they have never turned their backs on me, like how you did. i am still in contact with them and i still talk to them like how we always do in the past. we still meet up every week and all but are you even in frequent contact with the people who are your friends?

think about how many times have you come up to me to complain about your dissatisfaction about others? how many times have you had quarrels with so many of your friends and cliques? how many times have all this problems been resolved and yet the friendship still remains strong?

i am not perfect and i know i have many bad qualities. yes, i am already working on them and i need to thank you for that. with your existence, it just helps me to see how much i need to improve before i turn into a lonely person like you one day.

you need to redefine your meaning of friends. you really need to.

thank you for those happy days of laughter.