Quotes: “Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon.”
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now.
Saturday, August 01, 2009, 12:12 AM
Say you're sorry That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance,
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings
Now I know
I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry
Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't our fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.
Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.
Flooding my emotions onto you was just a way of expression but since you choose to not acknowledge how I feel, sometimes I have to resort to other means to get your attention. In turn, you use painful words to hurt me and make my tears fall. The more you do it, the more I wanna inflict pain on you to let you have a taste of what I go through.
I know this might sound mean but sometimes seeing how you squirm like a pathetic worm, makes me feel happy from inside out. Hearing how desperate you sound leaves a tiny part of me wanting for more. At least it makes me feel better.
Getting back at you might be deemed as a selfish act, but haven't you been doing the same all this while?
You're selfish as ever, just like me. We just love ourselves too much that's why we always wants things to be done our way and that's why we always fail to love others.
You're in no way better than me 'cos you care about yourself more than me and until I see a change, I don't understand why I have to place you as a priority in my life anymore.
First and foremost, happy birthday Brenda darling. :)
Today was supposed to be a really busy day for me.
I'm supposed to wake up at 7 am for an interview for Cotton On at Toa Payoh's Library before heading back to school for lessons. After that, I'm supposed to meet up with the girls for some shopping but nothing pull through.
I'm down with a cold and a cough. Not a very positive thing when there's H1N1 lurking around the school nowadays. If it worsens, I'll have to see the doctor tomorrow, get a MC and apply for Leave of Absence from the school as soon as possible. I'm trying my best not to skip anymore classes so I'm not really keen in getting LOA from the school. Furthermore, I just wanna get this over and done with as soon as possible. But because of this damn cough and flu, I stayed awake throughout the night and only manage to sleep at 7 am in the morning. Thus, I had to skip the interview, school and even the meet up with the girls later. :(
I really hope I'll feel better and I can get back to classes tomorrow.
Nowadays, I've been feeling very much alone. Dealing with my emotions by myself even though I have someone by my side. Insecurities, disappointments and fears - they all happen because I love someone. I don't have much control over my emotions, I know that. Sometimes, for fear that I might flood someone because I love that person too much, I just want to shut my emotions and the love I feel to myself. Yet, even when I do voice out the issues, they never seem to be addressed. I thought they should be addressed because isn't it a package that comes together with love? And together with that, it comes with care and concern? Doesn't love make you miss someone and you'll feel like seeing that person everyday and you'll just want to be by their side? How come I don't feel that coming anymore?
Now that I'm sick, I don't see much concern coming anymore. I only see and hear words but never actions that are taken. It hurt so much last night that I just wanna cut off all ties and stop whatever that is happening right now.
I just want to be free from all this heart wrenching emotions and from you, 'cos you're the cause of it.
I know I've been away for months and have taken a really long hiatus, but I really feel the need to speak to someone now.
So just let me speak to you, you know how you always make me feel better.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you think it's going to kill you? So much that you think the pain is insane 'cos it hurts so much and you think you can't breathe? You cried so much that it makes you feel like your head is going to explode any minute. That your heart is feeling sour and it's being weighed down by gravity and you cannot even do anything at that moment.
I do.
As much as it hurts, take a deep breath and let it all out. Be it the tears in your eyes, the throbbing pain in your heart or the sighs that you exhale whenever your heart feel heavy, just let it all out. You'll feel better. You'll still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually, you will still move on with or without that person. Life always moves on and so must you. Don't stop here.
I'm sorry for coming to you at times like this. For now I know, you will always be here for me. And I know how you always make me feel better after talking to you.
It's really sad when I have to type all this in here to remind me on what I should do to divert all the pain, sadness and unhappiness that I am feeling tonight. But at the very least, it guides me onto the right track and it stops the falling tears and the pain that I feel at the end of the entry.
Here's some random videos to share with you guys. Since I'm always watching videos or dramas online half the time, I know this isn't random at all. Anyway, I came across this unsigned duo on youtube who sing covers and they do it surprisingly well as a pair.
Here's Rin on the Rox singing I Hate This Part by Pussycat Dolls:
Halo by Beyonce:
If I Were A Boy by Beyonce:
I think they sing it way better than some of the original singers, probably because I really love how their harmonics comes together as a pair.
Anyway, the tanned girl on the left is Erin and the girl on the right in Roxanne. Both of them are Filipinos but Roxanne is half Filipino and White. By the way, if you can't identify the fact that they don't resemble each other at all, well, they're actually best friends and not twins.
They sing amazingly well and I do hope their talents are recognised soon. Click here for their youtube link if you wanna check out more videos.
Anyway, Chinese New Year this year is the most fruitful and happiest among all that I've spent over the years. Although it was really simple and there wasn't much visiting as usual, I had lots of fun during the two reunion dinners. One that took place a week earlier and another that took place on the day itself.
During the first day, I went down to the famous Guan Yin temple at Bugis with my mother and sister to pray for well-being in the New Year. It was packed like sardines but it was worth the wait. We went to Cineleisure and had dinner at Hong Kong Cafe (Luckily, I knew Alan and he gave us good seats!) before watching Love Matters. The show wasn't as nice as the rest of Jack Neo's movie I've seen. It was just average I suppose.
We reached home at around 1.30 am in the morning because we thought they'll be Night Rider that night but it slipped our mind that it was a Public Holiday and not a Public Holiday Eve. They should have Night Rider anyway since it was still a holiday the next day, but whatever.
The second day was spent at Grams house and after the visiting, we went home for steamboat cos' my brother and sister in law came over with my nephews!
During the rest of the week of Chinese New Year, my nephews came over to stay over for a period of 4-5 days and I had so much fun with them around. The best thing is that they're coming over to stay this week again! Yay!
I really love my life recently cos' it's really back on track. My body clock is getting better cos' I sleep earlier and wake up earlier. I no longer skip meals and I have breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday with fruits as well. I'm getting more and more obedient and I like to spend time with my family more. My self-discipline is getting better and I have plans for my day as well. I hope I can keep up with this! I know it's something really ordinary but sometimes, being ordinary is harder than you think. :)
Anyway, I've been doing facial masks recently and here's one of them recommended by the famous Taiwan variety show, Nu Ren Wo Zui Da. It's has a really cute name called, Wo De Mei Li Ri Ji. My sister bought it online and she shared some of it with me. She bought some bird nest facial essence mask recently and I've used it as well. The aftermath is slightly stickier than Wo De Mei Li Ri Ji, but it's still good cos' it whitens and brightens my complexion. :)
I seriously don't give a damn whether do I look horrendous here.
Anyway, for more pictures, check out Facebook cos' I won't be uploading them here anymore. :)
We're driving slow
Through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio's
All that we can hear
Now we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us its worse in here
The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here
Everyday seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me
The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know (i know) this is (this is) the part where the end starts
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here
I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothings wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see sunset in your eyes
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
But I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I hate this part
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
Oh
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here
And I'm really beginning to fall for this song right here.
I love having colours on my nails but they always end up being hideous on my hands cos' I have no idea how to go about applying. Seriously, I'm probably the kind who'll just pay to get my nails done or just end up having no colours on it at all.
Anyway, I had two reunion dinners this year, one with my relatives one week before Chinese New Year and the other with my own family on the eve of Chinese New Year.
Photos will be up on Facebook SOON.
I'm kinda contended with Chinese New Year this year though it's getting more and more simple every year.
I'm really beginning to fall for Spring cos' it symbolises blossoms and hope. :)
Back to Spring Waltz, my current drama addiction.
This sounds cliche, but Happy 牛 (New) Year to all the fellow Chinese folks out there! :)
(P/S: About the design - 己丑 [Ji Chou], Formal Name for This Year - Head & Body, 2009 - Eyes & Nostrils.)
I know I'm not alone this time and I have friends who're going through the same thing with me right now and I've had friends who have gone through this before too, but it just gets really heart-wrenching when you're experiencing it yourself.
When you turn and look everywhere, everyone is talking about the same topic. Everyone is asking you the same questions. Everyone is saying the same thing.
But sadly, I can't voice it out and give an honest answer. Cos' I feel too ashamed, knowing that I could have done it and yet I didn't. I choose not to back then.
Everyone puts on a happy smile and I am smiling back at them, but deep down I feel so alone.
It really sucks to be stuck in the same spot when everyone is moving on.
It sucks even more to know what's in store for me in 2009 and yet I know I'm facing it alone.
Surprise surprise. I'm up at freaking 8.30 am on a Sunday morning! The air seems to smell especially sweet in the morning and surprisingly, I like this kinda feeling. :)
Did I mention the Minister of Health dropped by my house in the morning?
He came and said Hello and left after a few minutes. Mummy wanted to complain some stuffs to him about the neighbourhood but didn't get a chance cos when she was done changing, he's gone. So only Dad managed to talk to him. I only got to see his back view cos I rushed into the room to tell Mum and when I came out, he was going off already.
Anyway, the reason why I'm up this early is because I can't get to sleep after a night of Chomp Chomp and board gaming at The Mind Cafe with Ronn, Cynthia and her sisters last night. I just slept for a few hours and I'm up but never mind, I have lots to do anyway.
The sad thing is my nephews fell sick and they won't be coming over later. Sucks to be up so early and yet there's no one for me to play with.
Anyway, it's alright. I have tons of things to do anyway.
Spring Cleaning
Go Down to the Market With My Sister
Shop for Chinese New Year Goodies With My Sister at Chinatown
Meet Ricky
Watch Charmed
Update Music Library
Update Ipod Touch Applications
Check Out Mac OS Online
Check and Reply Mails
Log Minutes
Update Weblog
Upload Photos/Videos onto Facebook
Feed/Bathe/Play with Yemo in Pet Society
Earn Coins in Pet Society (To Buy Princess Bed!)
Play With Molly in Superpoke Pets
Take Care of Children in Make A Baby
Comment/Reply Facebook Shits
More to come if I ever finish all this. Now it's time to get started and to fill up my organiser with all this shits.
For photos, please check out Facebook. I don't wanna haul my entire photo collection from Facebook over here. Uploading is like hell in Blogger. Seriously, there's nothing much left in this blog except for the lack of updates.
And to end things off, wishing all of you a damn belated Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year!
I'm having hunger pangs from time to time and it's evolving into gastric right now but I don't have any appetite at all even though I know there's food on the table.
2008 is coming to an end soon but why is my life crashing on me now? Can I still hope for a better 2009?
X'mas is around the corner and it's the season of giving. People are all feeling jolly and merry and they're basking in this joyous mood. Doing their x'mas shopping and preparing for this upcoming x'mas for a joyous celebration.
But I feel the exact opposite.
The world is revolving and everyone's moving on. I have difficulties catching up and I'm staying stagnant at the same spot.
I'm here not because I just woke up but it's because I haven't turn in yet.
I spent the whole night (including the day as well) sourcing for the right blog skin and after looking through more than a hundred, I finally settled down with this. I know it's a simple skin but it's just what I'm looking for. I love the fonts and I realise I weigh the fonts more than the design itself these days. There's a lot more pretty ones but they're all in the queue now for the next change.
I still remember the term that Ronn told me - Simplicity is deep.
I had to spend hours on end deciding which skin is the one that I really want. Which one is the one that I'm looking for. I thought that simple designs should be easy when it comes to decision making, but I was wrong. The more simple the design, the harder it is to see the difference and the beauty of each. This makes it harder for me to select the skins that really describes this blog right now.
My life is complicated enough, I just want to find back the simplicity in life for now.
How I wish I was a blank piece of paper, with no marks or scrawls. Just a plain white piece of paper. But I guess, there's too much marks and scrawls this time and it can't be erased anymore. It's too much sight for anyone to take.
You should just rip this paper apart.
Endless rain, fall on my heart, in this wounded soul.
Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness.
Hello people, I'm back with a little something to share.
I chanced upon this Swedish indie singer, Lykke Li, who has a set of really unique vocals. Personally, I like her vocals cos' I haven't heard such unique vocals from singers in a long long time. Singers this days doesn't seem to have striking vocals and there's something special about hers. Her voice seems as light as a feather yet we can all hear that her singing foundation is strong. I like her pronunciation when it comes to the lyrics as well, probably due to her accent?
Her music is what people would describe as "arty farty" but actually it's more like a fusion of soul, electronics and "powdered-sugar pop". I like the way she makes use of electronics in her songs and yet, they still sound so groovy. She reminds me of Lily Allen and Feist. To me, there's something special in their songs that makes them different from the rest.
Lykke Li's music videos are really interesting as well. There's always people doing vigorous and sudden movements (some are even like spasms) and they always go in tune with her songs. Some are even robotic and mechanical, probably due to the frequent usage of electronics in her songs I suppose?
Check it out below.
With Sarah Assbring of El Perro Del Mar as well! El Perro Del Mar means sea dog in Spanish and it's a musical project. Anyway, this videos are lovely! Especially Lykke and Sarah's harmonizing parts. I find those really pleasing to the ears. I think they're a perfect combination. (:
Can you imagine all this are done live on the streets? Amazing right?
And yes I had fun in Taiwan/HK and I'll update about the trip soon. I'll have to upload the photos first. There's lots of them. I think I took close to a thousand pictures. Haha!
Yay! The weekends are here once more. (:
Reassurance is a form of lie before the tragedy strikes.
It's feels like a decade since I've last blogged. And now that I'm back, I'm astonished by the fonts that I'm looking at as I'm creating this post.
Why is it so ugly? And where have all the colours, font size and font type buttons gone to?
I simply cannot bring myself to blog, looking at such ugly fonts! And with such minimal functions available? No way!
I've been updating over at my team's FYP blog as well and blogger happens to be in draft mode over there. They say blogger in draft is a special version of Blogger where they try out new features before they release them to everyone.
It's not much of a difference except for the change in colour for the template (It's blue in blogger draft.) and they still have that set of ugly fonts when I type out my entry before it's published.
It's okay to change the fonts in blogger draft and as well as removing and adding some additional functions, but why did they change the fonts and remove the original functions as well when I am NOT using it in draft?
%#@$%&(^!@~!
It's like I come in with the "feel" to blog and the template and fonts have all changed! It discourages me from blogging further.
I don't know whether do you get the point of this entry but never mind anyway. I'm just trying to vent out my unhappiness cos fonts plays a huge role when I blog.
Anyway, I have lots to update but I don't know where to start again.
This week hasn't been good but I'll make it better next week before I leave for Taiwan and Hong Kong! My holidays starts next weekend! Yes, I'm going to Taiwan & Hong Kong for 10 days! I'll be leaving on 25 October and I'll be back on the 2nd November! Sadly, I'll be spending my birthday overseas this year AGAIN!
I'm turning 20 in 10 days. Can't believe my age starts with a 2 and not a 1 anymore. ):
Anyway, I'm going out now so I gotta start preparing if not I'll be late.
Bye!
(And I'm so fucking pissed because there are no available functions for me to centralized this post. I can't enlarge or change the colour of the fonts as well. FUCK.) Update:
On a brighter note, I just remembered how to centralized this post with html codes. No thanks to blogger.
And guess what? I just realised that I was in the html tab all along and it was my fault for not changing it to the compose tab. No wonder there are so much ugly fonts and I can't find any buttons! But still, I discovered this myself so, no thanks to blogger.
But I'm damn tired now. I don't wanna skip class later so I'm going to bed now.
Another reason is that Cynthia and me are having a challenge - the person who skips the most classes for this semester would have to treat the other person for a buffet! I cannot lose!
My right eye is sore right now and it's swelling a little right now. Kinda hurts man. I think I'll have to stop rubbing my eyes that much. Every time when I remove my lenses and when I'm cleansing my face, I'll start rubbing my eyes continuously and it'll turned bloody red. This is bad man! ):
I'll have to start taking care of my eyes.
Speaking of which, I realised that some of my friends love to buy their lenses online. Cynthia was showing a link for a blog shop that sells such cheap lenses and they have a pretty decent collection. But then, the lenses are being priced at $21 per pair and they can last for a year!
Seems like a good deal, I know. A pair of lenses being priced at $21 and they can last a year? Seems like too much of a good deal to me. But don't you think it's a little risky for our eyes? What if they're cheap imitation lenses from Taiwan/China? From what I know, yearly lenses cost around $100 for a year here in Singapore.
I still think it's safer for us to get lenses locally cos' you'll never know what happens. Furthermore, we only have a pair of eyes!
I don't mind getting clothes, shoes and accessories online but lenses, I'm still a little jittery about it.
Recently, I've been staying indoors pretty much. Been cooping myself in my own room and watching lots of Japanese dramas. I've finished Hana Kimi and now I'm watching Hana Yori Dango 1 & 2!
Why you may ask?
It all happened on a fateful day, when Cynthia, Ronn and me caught this movie called Hana Yori Dango - Final!
Yes, you must have seen this poster somewhere on the big billboards over at Cineleisure or something.
This is none other than the highly anticipated "Meteor Garden" from Japan! Yes! F4!
By right, I should be damn into the main character, Domyouji Tsukasa (Aka Dao Ming Si) since I was so into Jerry Yan's character in Meteor Garden during my secondary school years! If you don't know, I used to love Jerry Yan from F4 and it all started from his character, "Dao Ming Si" in Meteor Garden.
Then, I realised that my admiration for an actor is not because of the role he plays but from the actors themselves!
I used to love Jerry Yan cos' to me, he's the most good looking one in F4. And for Hana Yori Dango, it would be none other than ...
He's totally like a prince charming (You know, those that rides on white horses, wearing ALL white?) and yes yes, he captivated me with his gorgeous looks! He's really good looking to me (Cynthia said he has weird lips that looks like a monkey but I find it alright! I do find it weird when he smiles though.) and I love his ever changing looks!
He can look like a handsome prince charming in Hana Yori Dango.
and yet look perfectly manly in Hana Kimi!
I think he looks like Jerry Yan in this one. I have totally no idea why.
Anyway, he's like BOYISH, PRINCE-LIKE, HOT and MANLY all combined into one! I prefer his boyish and prince-like look though. The one you'll see in Hana Yori Dango!
Can you imagine if he's your boyfriend?
Let's say you want a boyish and prince-like image from your boyfriend today and he can simply dye his hair brown/blond and dress up in a white suit to take you out for the day to satisfy your needs.
Need a hot and hunky man for security today? Don't worry, he'll dye his hair back to black and shove his abs and chest right in your face.
That's how good I picture him to be.
So damn versatile with his ever changing looks and what's more to add? He has stunning looks in the first place already!
The prices are insanely low considered to clothes that you see in shopping malls this days. Topshop, Gap, Zara etc can go up to prices like 50 over bucks, depending on what you're looking for.
I think stuffs found online are stylish yet cheap. Maybe the quality isn't as good as those you find in shopping malls but hey! For a dress that's less than 30 bucks is considered cheap this days! Bet you can't find any thing in shops that's cheaper than this, except for maybe say Bugis street? So far, dresses and tops that I've gotten online are all less than 30 bucks. This really helps to save up a few dollars for an unemployed like me. Although on the downside, you probably can't fit into the size or it just doesn't look that good on you when you receive it. It's not like you can try it on you see. Sigh. There's always a good and bad side to life I guess. (;
Oh, nevermind!
Maybe I should go to the extent of publishing their shops on my humble little abode and I can probably get a few dollars off or get free mailing! Hehe ... (:
My online spree shall start soon before I become poor once more!
Anyway, Ronn and me went out today cos' his poor little girlfriend has been coped at home for the past two days because she just doesn't feel like going out last weekend.
We went down to Haji Lane cos' I wanna get a bag badly. Not those small, puny ones but more of the enourmous, gigantic ones whereby you can stuff in lots of your barang barangs. Sadly, we couldn't find any and I got myself a vintage checkered pouch in rosewood instead. Cost me 45 bucks but it was worth the money. I slash the price to 45 bucks! Originally at 49 bucks! :D
Anyway, I really like the home sweet home feeling that the shops at Haji Lane offers. Somewhat, it makes you shop freely from the bustling crowds that you always experience like say, Town. You don't have to squeeze with the crowd and wait outside the fitting room for a really long time. You have to take off your shoes in some shops and there was cats around in one of the shops as well. Almost freaked me out but I was trying to act calm the whole time, so that I won't embarrass myself in front of others and I know Ronn will laugh at me cos' of that!
Had a nice day shopping and eating Ah Chew desserts with Ronn as well. (We had Mango Sago Pomelo and Honeydew Sago) The queue was freaking long and we decided to just take away and had it at war memorial park. The route there reminds me of Gap. ):
Did I mention that we had "ban mian" for lunch and "cheng teng" for dessert as well? Okay, random.
My blog is so boring without photos. Blah.
And people, please update me if you have any online shops to introduce! I'm desperately looking for a pair of sandles and a big bag. Thank you very much.
Guess what? Life is still the same as usual. Yeah, you should know what I mean. If you don't, then forget it cos' I don't intend to repeat.
Anyway, on a happier note, Derrick Hoh Wei Jian, my all time favourite project superstar contestant (from the first series) has released his album after three long years!
Remember him?
I used to be so obsessed with him, how can I ever forget? Gone were those days when I scribbled his name and the songs that he sang before on the back of my full scape paper during my secondary school years. I can even remember one of my classmates, How Kiat used that to rub against his *ahem* private parts to spite me. Grr. What an idiot.
But to tell you the truth, it's been so long that he has been in army, I thought he has disappeared from the limelight. The passion and love I use to have for him kinda dwindled for him as well. I don't feel that much LOVE like how I used to feel to be frank. Joining fanclubs and finding information online about him kinda faded as well. I think I'm turning old. ):
But he's still as cute as ever though!
I'm still contemplating whether should I get the album or not though. I don't wanna just chuck it aside like how I did for the project superstar compilation that I got because of him. Really a waste man, but it was all because of infatuation back then. I'll just check out the songs online first before deciding. Give it a little preview first! (;
And I seriously have no kick to blog today. Just posting this randomly.
Hello there. People knows me by the name of Yeh Ying but I have another name and it's Ariel. I named myself that when I was in Primary Three 'cos I fell
in love with Disney's The Little Mermaid. I reside in a little sunny island which is a dot on the world map. I'm enjoying the last of my teenage years before I turn into a witch on my next birthday.
Luckily, I'm blessed with a caring family, understanding friends and a loving boyfriend, so I guess life isn't that bad to me after all. :)
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now.
Saturday, August 01, 2009, 12:12 AM
Say you're sorry That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance,
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings
Now I know
I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.
And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I'm so sorry
Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't our fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.
Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Oh
It's too late
To catch me now.
Flooding my emotions onto you was just a way of expression but since you choose to not acknowledge how I feel, sometimes I have to resort to other means to get your attention. In turn, you use painful words to hurt me and make my tears fall. The more you do it, the more I wanna inflict pain on you to let you have a taste of what I go through.
I know this might sound mean but sometimes seeing how you squirm like a pathetic worm, makes me feel happy from inside out. Hearing how desperate you sound leaves a tiny part of me wanting for more. At least it makes me feel better.
Getting back at you might be deemed as a selfish act, but haven't you been doing the same all this while?
You're selfish as ever, just like me. We just love ourselves too much that's why we always wants things to be done our way and that's why we always fail to love others.
You're in no way better than me 'cos you care about yourself more than me and until I see a change, I don't understand why I have to place you as a priority in my life anymore.
First and foremost, happy birthday Brenda darling. :)
Today was supposed to be a really busy day for me.
I'm supposed to wake up at 7 am for an interview for Cotton On at Toa Payoh's Library before heading back to school for lessons. After that, I'm supposed to meet up with the girls for some shopping but nothing pull through.
I'm down with a cold and a cough. Not a very positive thing when there's H1N1 lurking around the school nowadays. If it worsens, I'll have to see the doctor tomorrow, get a MC and apply for Leave of Absence from the school as soon as possible. I'm trying my best not to skip anymore classes so I'm not really keen in getting LOA from the school. Furthermore, I just wanna get this over and done with as soon as possible. But because of this damn cough and flu, I stayed awake throughout the night and only manage to sleep at 7 am in the morning. Thus, I had to skip the interview, school and even the meet up with the girls later. :(
I really hope I'll feel better and I can get back to classes tomorrow.
Nowadays, I've been feeling very much alone. Dealing with my emotions by myself even though I have someone by my side. Insecurities, disappointments and fears - they all happen because I love someone. I don't have much control over my emotions, I know that. Sometimes, for fear that I might flood someone because I love that person too much, I just want to shut my emotions and the love I feel to myself. Yet, even when I do voice out the issues, they never seem to be addressed. I thought they should be addressed because isn't it a package that comes together with love? And together with that, it comes with care and concern? Doesn't love make you miss someone and you'll feel like seeing that person everyday and you'll just want to be by their side? How come I don't feel that coming anymore?
Now that I'm sick, I don't see much concern coming anymore. I only see and hear words but never actions that are taken. It hurt so much last night that I just wanna cut off all ties and stop whatever that is happening right now.
I just want to be free from all this heart wrenching emotions and from you, 'cos you're the cause of it.
I know I've been away for months and have taken a really long hiatus, but I really feel the need to speak to someone now.
So just let me speak to you, you know how you always make me feel better.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you think it's going to kill you? So much that you think the pain is insane 'cos it hurts so much and you think you can't breathe? You cried so much that it makes you feel like your head is going to explode any minute. That your heart is feeling sour and it's being weighed down by gravity and you cannot even do anything at that moment.
I do.
As much as it hurts, take a deep breath and let it all out. Be it the tears in your eyes, the throbbing pain in your heart or the sighs that you exhale whenever your heart feel heavy, just let it all out. You'll feel better. You'll still see the light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually, you will still move on with or without that person. Life always moves on and so must you. Don't stop here.
I'm sorry for coming to you at times like this. For now I know, you will always be here for me. And I know how you always make me feel better after talking to you.
It's really sad when I have to type all this in here to remind me on what I should do to divert all the pain, sadness and unhappiness that I am feeling tonight. But at the very least, it guides me onto the right track and it stops the falling tears and the pain that I feel at the end of the entry.
Here's some random videos to share with you guys. Since I'm always watching videos or dramas online half the time, I know this isn't random at all. Anyway, I came across this unsigned duo on youtube who sing covers and they do it surprisingly well as a pair.
Here's Rin on the Rox singing I Hate This Part by Pussycat Dolls:
Halo by Beyonce:
If I Were A Boy by Beyonce:
I think they sing it way better than some of the original singers, probably because I really love how their harmonics comes together as a pair.
Anyway, the tanned girl on the left is Erin and the girl on the right in Roxanne. Both of them are Filipinos but Roxanne is half Filipino and White. By the way, if you can't identify the fact that they don't resemble each other at all, well, they're actually best friends and not twins.
They sing amazingly well and I do hope their talents are recognised soon. Click here for their youtube link if you wanna check out more videos.
Anyway, Chinese New Year this year is the most fruitful and happiest among all that I've spent over the years. Although it was really simple and there wasn't much visiting as usual, I had lots of fun during the two reunion dinners. One that took place a week earlier and another that took place on the day itself.
During the first day, I went down to the famous Guan Yin temple at Bugis with my mother and sister to pray for well-being in the New Year. It was packed like sardines but it was worth the wait. We went to Cineleisure and had dinner at Hong Kong Cafe (Luckily, I knew Alan and he gave us good seats!) before watching Love Matters. The show wasn't as nice as the rest of Jack Neo's movie I've seen. It was just average I suppose.
We reached home at around 1.30 am in the morning because we thought they'll be Night Rider that night but it slipped our mind that it was a Public Holiday and not a Public Holiday Eve. They should have Night Rider anyway since it was still a holiday the next day, but whatever.
The second day was spent at Grams house and after the visiting, we went home for steamboat cos' my brother and sister in law came over with my nephews!
During the rest of the week of Chinese New Year, my nephews came over to stay over for a period of 4-5 days and I had so much fun with them around. The best thing is that they're coming over to stay this week again! Yay!
I really love my life recently cos' it's really back on track. My body clock is getting better cos' I sleep earlier and wake up earlier. I no longer skip meals and I have breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday with fruits as well. I'm getting more and more obedient and I like to spend time with my family more. My self-discipline is getting better and I have plans for my day as well. I hope I can keep up with this! I know it's something really ordinary but sometimes, being ordinary is harder than you think. :)
Anyway, I've been doing facial masks recently and here's one of them recommended by the famous Taiwan variety show, Nu Ren Wo Zui Da. It's has a really cute name called, Wo De Mei Li Ri Ji. My sister bought it online and she shared some of it with me. She bought some bird nest facial essence mask recently and I've used it as well. The aftermath is slightly stickier than Wo De Mei Li Ri Ji, but it's still good cos' it whitens and brightens my complexion. :)
I seriously don't give a damn whether do I look horrendous here.
Anyway, for more pictures, check out Facebook cos' I won't be uploading them here anymore. :)
We're driving slow
Through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio's
All that we can hear
Now we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us its worse in here
The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part
Where the end starts
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here
Everyday seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me
The world slows down
But my heart beats fast right now
I know (i know) this is (this is) the part where the end starts
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through my fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here
I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothings wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see sunset in your eyes
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
But I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I hate this part
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
Oh
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here
And I'm really beginning to fall for this song right here.
I love having colours on my nails but they always end up being hideous on my hands cos' I have no idea how to go about applying. Seriously, I'm probably the kind who'll just pay to get my nails done or just end up having no colours on it at all.
Anyway, I had two reunion dinners this year, one with my relatives one week before Chinese New Year and the other with my own family on the eve of Chinese New Year.
Photos will be up on Facebook SOON.
I'm kinda contended with Chinese New Year this year though it's getting more and more simple every year.
I'm really beginning to fall for Spring cos' it symbolises blossoms and hope. :)
Back to Spring Waltz, my current drama addiction.
This sounds cliche, but Happy 牛 (New) Year to all the fellow Chinese folks out there! :)
(P/S: About the design - 己丑 [Ji Chou], Formal Name for This Year - Head & Body, 2009 - Eyes & Nostrils.)
I know I'm not alone this time and I have friends who're going through the same thing with me right now and I've had friends who have gone through this before too, but it just gets really heart-wrenching when you're experiencing it yourself.
When you turn and look everywhere, everyone is talking about the same topic. Everyone is asking you the same questions. Everyone is saying the same thing.
But sadly, I can't voice it out and give an honest answer. Cos' I feel too ashamed, knowing that I could have done it and yet I didn't. I choose not to back then.
Everyone puts on a happy smile and I am smiling back at them, but deep down I feel so alone.
It really sucks to be stuck in the same spot when everyone is moving on.
It sucks even more to know what's in store for me in 2009 and yet I know I'm facing it alone.
Surprise surprise. I'm up at freaking 8.30 am on a Sunday morning! The air seems to smell especially sweet in the morning and surprisingly, I like this kinda feeling. :)
Did I mention the Minister of Health dropped by my house in the morning?
He came and said Hello and left after a few minutes. Mummy wanted to complain some stuffs to him about the neighbourhood but didn't get a chance cos when she was done changing, he's gone. So only Dad managed to talk to him. I only got to see his back view cos I rushed into the room to tell Mum and when I came out, he was going off already.
Anyway, the reason why I'm up this early is because I can't get to sleep after a night of Chomp Chomp and board gaming at The Mind Cafe with Ronn, Cynthia and her sisters last night. I just slept for a few hours and I'm up but never mind, I have lots to do anyway.
The sad thing is my nephews fell sick and they won't be coming over later. Sucks to be up so early and yet there's no one for me to play with.
Anyway, it's alright. I have tons of things to do anyway.
Spring Cleaning
Go Down to the Market With My Sister
Shop for Chinese New Year Goodies With My Sister at Chinatown
Meet Ricky
Watch Charmed
Update Music Library
Update Ipod Touch Applications
Check Out Mac OS Online
Check and Reply Mails
Log Minutes
Update Weblog
Upload Photos/Videos onto Facebook
Feed/Bathe/Play with Yemo in Pet Society
Earn Coins in Pet Society (To Buy Princess Bed!)
Play With Molly in Superpoke Pets
Take Care of Children in Make A Baby
Comment/Reply Facebook Shits
More to come if I ever finish all this. Now it's time to get started and to fill up my organiser with all this shits.
For photos, please check out Facebook. I don't wanna haul my entire photo collection from Facebook over here. Uploading is like hell in Blogger. Seriously, there's nothing much left in this blog except for the lack of updates.
And to end things off, wishing all of you a damn belated Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year!
I'm having hunger pangs from time to time and it's evolving into gastric right now but I don't have any appetite at all even though I know there's food on the table.
2008 is coming to an end soon but why is my life crashing on me now? Can I still hope for a better 2009?
X'mas is around the corner and it's the season of giving. People are all feeling jolly and merry and they're basking in this joyous mood. Doing their x'mas shopping and preparing for this upcoming x'mas for a joyous celebration.
But I feel the exact opposite.
The world is revolving and everyone's moving on. I have difficulties catching up and I'm staying stagnant at the same spot.
I'm here not because I just woke up but it's because I haven't turn in yet.
I spent the whole night (including the day as well) sourcing for the right blog skin and after looking through more than a hundred, I finally settled down with this. I know it's a simple skin but it's just what I'm looking for. I love the fonts and I realise I weigh the fonts more than the design itself these days. There's a lot more pretty ones but they're all in the queue now for the next change.
I still remember the term that Ronn told me - Simplicity is deep.
I had to spend hours on end deciding which skin is the one that I really want. Which one is the one that I'm looking for. I thought that simple designs should be easy when it comes to decision making, but I was wrong. The more simple the design, the harder it is to see the difference and the beauty of each. This makes it harder for me to select the skins that really describes this blog right now.
My life is complicated enough, I just want to find back the simplicity in life for now.
How I wish I was a blank piece of paper, with no marks or scrawls. Just a plain white piece of paper. But I guess, there's too much marks and scrawls this time and it can't be erased anymore. It's too much sight for anyone to take.
You should just rip this paper apart.
Endless rain, fall on my heart, in this wounded soul.
Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness.
Hello people, I'm back with a little something to share.
I chanced upon this Swedish indie singer, Lykke Li, who has a set of really unique vocals. Personally, I like her vocals cos' I haven't heard such unique vocals from singers in a long long time. Singers this days doesn't seem to have striking vocals and there's something special about hers. Her voice seems as light as a feather yet we can all hear that her singing foundation is strong. I like her pronunciation when it comes to the lyrics as well, probably due to her accent?
Her music is what people would describe as "arty farty" but actually it's more like a fusion of soul, electronics and "powdered-sugar pop". I like the way she makes use of electronics in her songs and yet, they still sound so groovy. She reminds me of Lily Allen and Feist. To me, there's something special in their songs that makes them different from the rest.
Lykke Li's music videos are really interesting as well. There's always people doing vigorous and sudden movements (some are even like spasms) and they always go in tune with her songs. Some are even robotic and mechanical, probably due to the frequent usage of electronics in her songs I suppose?
Check it out below.
With Sarah Assbring of El Perro Del Mar as well! El Perro Del Mar means sea dog in Spanish and it's a musical project. Anyway, this videos are lovely! Especially Lykke and Sarah's harmonizing parts. I find those really pleasing to the ears. I think they're a perfect combination. (:
Can you imagine all this are done live on the streets? Amazing right?
And yes I had fun in Taiwan/HK and I'll update about the trip soon. I'll have to upload the photos first. There's lots of them. I think I took close to a thousand pictures. Haha!
Yay! The weekends are here once more. (:
Reassurance is a form of lie before the tragedy strikes.
It's feels like a decade since I've last blogged. And now that I'm back, I'm astonished by the fonts that I'm looking at as I'm creating this post.
Why is it so ugly? And where have all the colours, font size and font type buttons gone to?
I simply cannot bring myself to blog, looking at such ugly fonts! And with such minimal functions available? No way!
I've been updating over at my team's FYP blog as well and blogger happens to be in draft mode over there. They say blogger in draft is a special version of Blogger where they try out new features before they release them to everyone.
It's not much of a difference except for the change in colour for the template (It's blue in blogger draft.) and they still have that set of ugly fonts when I type out my entry before it's published.
It's okay to change the fonts in blogger draft and as well as removing and adding some additional functions, but why did they change the fonts and remove the original functions as well when I am NOT using it in draft?
%#@$%&(^!@~!
It's like I come in with the "feel" to blog and the template and fonts have all changed! It discourages me from blogging further.
I don't know whether do you get the point of this entry but never mind anyway. I'm just trying to vent out my unhappiness cos fonts plays a huge role when I blog.
Anyway, I have lots to update but I don't know where to start again.
This week hasn't been good but I'll make it better next week before I leave for Taiwan and Hong Kong! My holidays starts next weekend! Yes, I'm going to Taiwan & Hong Kong for 10 days! I'll be leaving on 25 October and I'll be back on the 2nd November! Sadly, I'll be spending my birthday overseas this year AGAIN!
I'm turning 20 in 10 days. Can't believe my age starts with a 2 and not a 1 anymore. ):
Anyway, I'm going out now so I gotta start preparing if not I'll be late.
Bye!
(And I'm so fucking pissed because there are no available functions for me to centralized this post. I can't enlarge or change the colour of the fonts as well. FUCK.) Update:
On a brighter note, I just remembered how to centralized this post with html codes. No thanks to blogger.
And guess what? I just realised that I was in the html tab all along and it was my fault for not changing it to the compose tab. No wonder there are so much ugly fonts and I can't find any buttons! But still, I discovered this myself so, no thanks to blogger.
But I'm damn tired now. I don't wanna skip class later so I'm going to bed now.
Another reason is that Cynthia and me are having a challenge - the person who skips the most classes for this semester would have to treat the other person for a buffet! I cannot lose!
My right eye is sore right now and it's swelling a little right now. Kinda hurts man. I think I'll have to stop rubbing my eyes that much. Every time when I remove my lenses and when I'm cleansing my face, I'll start rubbing my eyes continuously and it'll turned bloody red. This is bad man! ):
I'll have to start taking care of my eyes.
Speaking of which, I realised that some of my friends love to buy their lenses online. Cynthia was showing a link for a blog shop that sells such cheap lenses and they have a pretty decent collection. But then, the lenses are being priced at $21 per pair and they can last for a year!
Seems like a good deal, I know. A pair of lenses being priced at $21 and they can last a year? Seems like too much of a good deal to me. But don't you think it's a little risky for our eyes? What if they're cheap imitation lenses from Taiwan/China? From what I know, yearly lenses cost around $100 for a year here in Singapore.
I still think it's safer for us to get lenses locally cos' you'll never know what happens. Furthermore, we only have a pair of eyes!
I don't mind getting clothes, shoes and accessories online but lenses, I'm still a little jittery about it.
Recently, I've been staying indoors pretty much. Been cooping myself in my own room and watching lots of Japanese dramas. I've finished Hana Kimi and now I'm watching Hana Yori Dango 1 & 2!
Why you may ask?
It all happened on a fateful day, when Cynthia, Ronn and me caught this movie called Hana Yori Dango - Final!
Yes, you must have seen this poster somewhere on the big billboards over at Cineleisure or something.
This is none other than the highly anticipated "Meteor Garden" from Japan! Yes! F4!
By right, I should be damn into the main character, Domyouji Tsukasa (Aka Dao Ming Si) since I was so into Jerry Yan's character in Meteor Garden during my secondary school years! If you don't know, I used to love Jerry Yan from F4 and it all started from his character, "Dao Ming Si" in Meteor Garden.
Then, I realised that my admiration for an actor is not because of the role he plays but from the actors themselves!
I used to love Jerry Yan cos' to me, he's the most good looking one in F4. And for Hana Yori Dango, it would be none other than ...
He's totally like a prince charming (You know, those that rides on white horses, wearing ALL white?) and yes yes, he captivated me with his gorgeous looks! He's really good looking to me (Cynthia said he has weird lips that looks like a monkey but I find it alright! I do find it weird when he smiles though.) and I love his ever changing looks!
He can look like a handsome prince charming in Hana Yori Dango.
and yet look perfectly manly in Hana Kimi!
I think he looks like Jerry Yan in this one. I have totally no idea why.
Anyway, he's like BOYISH, PRINCE-LIKE, HOT and MANLY all combined into one! I prefer his boyish and prince-like look though. The one you'll see in Hana Yori Dango!
Can you imagine if he's your boyfriend?
Let's say you want a boyish and prince-like image from your boyfriend today and he can simply dye his hair brown/blond and dress up in a white suit to take you out for the day to satisfy your needs.
Need a hot and hunky man for security today? Don't worry, he'll dye his hair back to black and shove his abs and chest right in your face.
That's how good I picture him to be.
So damn versatile with his ever changing looks and what's more to add? He has stunning looks in the first place already!
The prices are insanely low considered to clothes that you see in shopping malls this days. Topshop, Gap, Zara etc can go up to prices like 50 over bucks, depending on what you're looking for.
I think stuffs found online are stylish yet cheap. Maybe the quality isn't as good as those you find in shopping malls but hey! For a dress that's less than 30 bucks is considered cheap this days! Bet you can't find any thing in shops that's cheaper than this, except for maybe say Bugis street? So far, dresses and tops that I've gotten online are all less than 30 bucks. This really helps to save up a few dollars for an unemployed like me. Although on the downside, you probably can't fit into the size or it just doesn't look that good on you when you receive it. It's not like you can try it on you see. Sigh. There's always a good and bad side to life I guess. (;
Oh, nevermind!
Maybe I should go to the extent of publishing their shops on my humble little abode and I can probably get a few dollars off or get free mailing! Hehe ... (:
My online spree shall start soon before I become poor once more!
Anyway, Ronn and me went out today cos' his poor little girlfriend has been coped at home for the past two days because she just doesn't feel like going out last weekend.
We went down to Haji Lane cos' I wanna get a bag badly. Not those small, puny ones but more of the enourmous, gigantic ones whereby you can stuff in lots of your barang barangs. Sadly, we couldn't find any and I got myself a vintage checkered pouch in rosewood instead. Cost me 45 bucks but it was worth the money. I slash the price to 45 bucks! Originally at 49 bucks! :D
Anyway, I really like the home sweet home feeling that the shops at Haji Lane offers. Somewhat, it makes you shop freely from the bustling crowds that you always experience like say, Town. You don't have to squeeze with the crowd and wait outside the fitting room for a really long time. You have to take off your shoes in some shops and there was cats around in one of the shops as well. Almost freaked me out but I was trying to act calm the whole time, so that I won't embarrass myself in front of others and I know Ronn will laugh at me cos' of that!
Had a nice day shopping and eating Ah Chew desserts with Ronn as well. (We had Mango Sago Pomelo and Honeydew Sago) The queue was freaking long and we decided to just take away and had it at war memorial park. The route there reminds me of Gap. ):
Did I mention that we had "ban mian" for lunch and "cheng teng" for dessert as well? Okay, random.
My blog is so boring without photos. Blah.
And people, please update me if you have any online shops to introduce! I'm desperately looking for a pair of sandles and a big bag. Thank you very much.
Guess what? Life is still the same as usual. Yeah, you should know what I mean. If you don't, then forget it cos' I don't intend to repeat.
Anyway, on a happier note, Derrick Hoh Wei Jian, my all time favourite project superstar contestant (from the first series) has released his album after three long years!
Remember him?
I used to be so obsessed with him, how can I ever forget? Gone were those days when I scribbled his name and the songs that he sang before on the back of my full scape paper during my secondary school years. I can even remember one of my classmates, How Kiat used that to rub against his *ahem* private parts to spite me. Grr. What an idiot.
But to tell you the truth, it's been so long that he has been in army, I thought he has disappeared from the limelight. The passion and love I use to have for him kinda dwindled for him as well. I don't feel that much LOVE like how I used to feel to be frank. Joining fanclubs and finding information online about him kinda faded as well. I think I'm turning old. ):
But he's still as cute as ever though!
I'm still contemplating whether should I get the album or not though. I don't wanna just chuck it aside like how I did for the project superstar compilation that I got because of him. Really a waste man, but it was all because of infatuation back then. I'll just check out the songs online first before deciding. Give it a little preview first! (;
And I seriously have no kick to blog today. Just posting this randomly.
